These are the days of our lives

These are the days of our lives....

Ever watch soap operas? I watched Days of Our Lives some in high school. But I'm not sure why I watched. It got on my nerves really bad that there was always so much drama. The people on there always talked constantly about their problems, were always negative, and always lived in the past. Ugh. Completely annoying.

Well, lately I feel as though my life would make a pretty good soap opera. On top of our normal chaos, we've had a bit of drama. I've been waaayyy over dramatic about my shop, LizzieLu & BabySue. It is due to open around the first of March, and I have been on a roller coaster of emotions about it since I made the decision. I have questioned and doubted about every aspect of it.

I've come close to a nervous breakdown because of the financial stuff. I suppose they are trying to be helpful, but people always question me about the economy when they find out about the shop. Really? Do they think that I am not aware of what is going on in the world? Do they think I haven't considered it? Well, I have. I have been over and over and over it all. I always come up with the same thing. I feel confident that God gave me this desire and that it is His plan for me. I believe that no matter what happens with the shop, He will be glorified. 

I've fought with guilt over leaving the girls. I have never wanted to do anything but stay home with my sweet daughters. I want myself and Mr. Wonderful to be the major influence in their lives. And I know that who they spend the most time with will have the most impact on them. I want them to be home with me so that I can protect them from the world as long as possible. I don't want to have to ask someone else how their day went. I want to already know. I want to be there for them and be able to talk to them about things that happen throughout the day. At the same time, I know that they need the structure of preschool & daycare. They need to be around other people and children. Addie would benefit greatly from preschool, because she gets so nervous when she is presented with new situations or the unknown. I think it would help to expose her to other things and help her to be more outgoing and confident. Avie would benefit greatly from daycare, because she is so self-absorbed. She does whatever she wants, whenever she wants and doesn't care what anyone thinks or says or how it affects them. I have a very difficult time trying to discipline her. She doesn't seem to respond to anything. She is almost always getting into something and completely disregards the rules. I think it would help to get her away from me and put her in a group setting where everyone around her is following the same rules.

I have also struggled with the timing of the store opening because of Mr. Wonderful's health problems. He just isn't getting any better. He started a new IV treatment three weeks ago for his ITP (low platelets) and we found out this week that it isn't working. We go Monday to make a decision about what to do next. His ulcerative colitis is also acting up. He is on a new medicine for it, so we are praying that it will start working soon. The timing is also scary because Mr. Wonderful's job ends after this December. The company decided that they will move the project he has been working on to Texas where the home office is. We are praying that he will be given the opportunity to move into a new position in the Birmingham office. He has been told that this is likely to happen, but there are no guarantees. We are nervous, but trusting that God has a plan. He has never failed us and we know He will not now.

Knowing that I will be working outside the home 6 days a week after the shop opens, I feel like there is so much pressure on me to get the house in order. I feel it is necessary to clean out all the closets, cabinets, drawers, and have everything organized perfectly. I have been home for several years now. I can't even imagine what it will be like to get up every day, leave the house early in the morning, and not get home until late evening. When will I get all of my "house stuff" done? I know that it is possible because people do it all the time. I'm just not sure how it will work for me. It won't be long before I have to figure it out though! There are so many things that need to be done at the shop. Until now, most of the preparations have been over the phone and internet so I have been able to work from home. Not anymore. I plan on letting the girls come with me as long as possible. The first thing I will need to do at the shop is get a place for them to play. I'll gather some toys, games, movies and stuff from home. I have a tv I can take, but will need a fridge and probably a microwave. My sister has a table and chairs she is letting me have, but I may need to get a small couch so they have a comfy place to nap.

After the girls have their stuff in place, I will move all my sewing stuff to the shop. It has completely taken over my laundry and dining rooms. It just can't stay here. Plus, it will be nice to be able to leave a project out and not have to put it up every night. Maybe it will make me more productive!

Then comes the real LizzieLu work. Window displays, mannequins, inventory. So exciting and yet so exhausting. Hmmm, I think I'll get back in the bed for a while until the girls get up!

Love and prayers for you all!

It all started on Friday

I'm not sure why I am still up after such a busy weekend, but here I am. I'll try to keep my recap brief, but no promises.

It all started on Friday when the girls and I went shopping. They were supposed to be cowgirls for Halloween and I really wanted them to have cute boots!! I realize that I waited until the last minute but life has been so crazy the opportunity to shop just wasn't there. I had looked online and found the exact ones I wanted at Target so that was our destination.

First, I filled cups with juice and checked the bag for diapers and wipes, located my purse, phone and keys, and placed them on the table. Next, I got the girls dressed put shoes and socks on them, tried on two different pairs of jeans before I found one that actually fit me, threw on a t-shirt, grabbed blankets, papi, Happy, baby and woof woof and headed for the door. I called for the girls to come and they when they appeared, Addie had an armful of toys that she was trying to convince me to allow her to take with us and Avie had already taken off both shoes and was screaming because she couldn't get her socks off. I instructed the girls to stay put while I went outside and put my load of stuff in the car. Before I got down the steps, Addie had opened the door which allowed Avie to follow me down the steps. I ordered Addie to close the door. She started to throw a tantrum insisting that she wanted to come outside. I ordered her to close the door again. She continued in her tantrum about coming outside and added that she wanted her juice cup into her tantrum. I threw the stuff in the front seat, chased Avie across the back yard, and headed back up the steps. I sat Avie down and took Addie to her time-out spot to calm down. By the time I turned around, Avie had gotten my purse off the table, dumped it's contents onto the floor, and was searching for "nummy" also known as chewing gum. I grabbed her and my keys and walked out the door. This sent Addie back into a panic because she didn't get to go outside. I buckled Avie into her seat, cranked up the car, grabbed Addie off the bottom step, buckled her into her seat, and did the forbidden...I went back inside and left them in the car. I just stood there and looked at my house. It was trashed. Toys were everywhere. There was a wet diaper laying in the dining room floor. There were dirty dishes in the sink. There was clutter all over the counter. The bathroom had dirty clothes and wet towels on the floor. The beds weren't made.

I picked up my phone, purse and its contents, grabbed the diaper bag and cups, said a quick prayer for sanity and walked out the door leaving the mess behind. My mother would be so ashamed.

I ran through "Old McDondald's" as Addie calls it and got chicken strips and fries. I despise eating in the car about as much as I despise eating McDonald's food, but there are many times that it just doesn't make sense to go inside and sit down...especially with two toddlers who haven't had, but need a nap! After being fed the girls calmed down. I admit that they get it from me. I am such a grouch when I haven't eaten. We got to Target and went straight to the shoes. They were very picked over and didn't have many sizes to choose from. I wasn't sure what size Addie needed so I just picked up the one that looked close and started to put it on her. She cried and begged for the red sparkle shoes instead. I handed her a pair to put on her left foot while I tried a boot on her right. The boot was too big so I tried another. And another. Ugh! What kind of mother doesn't know what size shoe her own child wears?! Apparently, THIS mother!! I finally narrowed it down to a size 8. They didn't have any. I began to search for another style and Avie started getting restless in the shopping cart. Addie handed her some red sparkle shoes and she started to scream and cry because she couldn't get her shoes off. I was busy searching for any size 8 I could find and had tuned her out until I realized that there was a young woman giving me a very unapproving stare. I tuned her out also and continued to search. Others began to stare so I stopped to take Avie's shoes off. Then she cried because the red sparkle ones were too big and wouldn't stay on her foot. Addie was trying to talk me into letting her have some Dora house shoes (identical to the ones she has at home) and kept getting louder and louder. She had to be sure I heard her over Avie's screaming.

I took a deep breath, said a quick prayer, and squatted down to be eye level with Addie. I asked her if she was using her inside voice. She said she wanted Dora shoes. I asked, "what does your inside voice sound like?" She replied, "Inside voice....quiet. I want Dora shoes." I told her good job on her inside voice and to keep using it and reminded her that she has Dora shoes at home and she can put them on as soon as we get home. I stood and made eye contact with Avie. I swatted her thigh a bit (she was still squawking and I needed to get her attention) she stopped screaming and pouted. I told her that if she needed help with her shoes she needed to ask like a sweet girl and use her inside voice. She said, "pweeeez!" Finally, my little gremlins turned back into my sweet little girls. We found a pair of size 8 boots and just as I was going to try them on Addie, she decided she had to go potty...really bad. Off to the potty we went. We pottied, washed hands, talked to the sweet woman in there with us, thanked her for helping us with paper towels, and went back to the shoes. They fit. We bought them. We left the store. We got in the car. We headed to search for another Target store. What?! Yup. Those weren't the specific boots I wanted to I decided to go to another Target to see if they had the correct size in the ones I really wanted.

I had never been to this other Target and wasn't exactly sure where it was, but I went straight to it. The girls were great on the way. Avie was wearing her Auburn shirt and a man stopped us in the parking lot to ask her if she knew who Cam Newton was. I answered for her that, of course, we did. As he walked away, I told the girls to tell say War Eagle and to my surprise they both shouted (Avie a bit louder than Addie), "War Eagle, Hey!!" We went over to the shoes and found the exact boots I wanted for both girls. We put them on, put their shoes in the box, bought the right boots and returned the others. The girls were so sweet the entire time and stomped in their boots all the way to the car. As I loaded them up to go home, I thanked the girls for being so good and then I said another prayer. I thanked God for the incredible blessing of being their mother. I thanked Him for the good times and the bad. I thanked Him for helping me through every step of my day. Even through the things that seem trivial, He was right there with me. He was giving me the help and patience and guidance that I was asking for at just the moment I needed it.

On Saturday, Mr. Wonderful and the band he plays with, went to play at a fall festival for a church a couple of hours away from us. The girls and I stayed home because I wasn't sure what to expect at this event and I thought it would be difficult for the girls to be gone all day. I planned on working on the girls costumes and car decorations for our church's Trunk of Treats event the next night. We slept in and I played with the girls for a while then started on some laundry. I called to check on my mom and she reminded me that my in-laws' Trunk of Treats event was that afternoon...yikes! I said a quick prayer and scrambled around getting their costumes made as quickly as possible. I fed the girls lunch, put them to bed for a nap, and ran to put finishing touches on their costumes. As I was about to jump in the shower, my mom called and offered to come help get the girls ready. Sounds great to me! The girls took turns getting up from nap. Avie took her pants and diaper off and I had to change her and lay her back down. Addie heard Avie get up and decided she had to go potty. I was searching for pants that fit before I got in the shower and realized that the house still looked exactly as it did before I left to go to Target the day before. Oh, no!!! My mom could not see my house like that! I said a quick prayer and then made a mad dash through the house collecting dirty laundry and tossed it in a basket. I made another run through the house and picked up toys this time. On the next run I picked up the shreds of paper the girls had been "cooking" with earlier. I gathered all the dishes scattered on the counter and piled them into the sink (the dishwasher was full...of clean dishes that I didn't have time to put up). I jumped in and out of the shower, threw on clothes, and got Addie out of the bed. She never went to sleep and neither did Avie. My parents, the Incredibles, arrived and took over dressing the girls for me. They helped take some pictures, loaded the girls in the car for me, and we headed to the in-laws church. The girls ate way too much candy and we all had a great time seeing everyone. It got cold quicker than I expected so we left and went to get something to eat. We went in and sat this time at Arby's. The girls were sweet and ate fairly well. We left and Avie fell asleep before we made it a mile down the road. I took the girls inside and put pjs on them, started a load of laundry, and put the girls back into the car. We went to pick up Mr. Wonderful after he got back into town from the fall festival. We watched him unload and had fun running wild all over the empty church building. We got home super late and went straight to bed.

On Sunday, Mr. Wonderful got the girls up, fed them breakfast, and got them ready for church. I stayed in bed a bit too long and we ended up being late for Sunday School. The girls really wanted to hear Mr. Wonderful play the drums, so I let them sit out front in service with me for the very first time. Addie was excellent. She was so sweet sitting there watching. I think Avie did well considering her age. She occupied herself by dumping out the diaper bag. She found some Smarties in it and dropped them in the floor, but was still very good in my opinion. I took them to their class after the music was over and ended up staying to help out. After church, we went to my in-laws church for lunch. Left there and ran home to grab clothes to change into and headed back to our church. We helped get things ready for our trunk of treats event and as we parked our car in line to hand out candy, I realized that I didn't get the decorations together for it. Our car was the only one that wasn't decorated. Oh, well. We had candy, so I suppose that was good enough. The girls had a great time playing and eating candy. Addie even helped Mr. Wonderful give some out. I supervised the inflatables for a while. But after having to climb inside the bouncy several times to retrieve children who didn't want to come when their parents said to get out, I decided that wasn't really the job for me. I think I'll sign up for something else (anything else) next year. After helping clean up a few things, we headed home with two super tired little girls. Avie fell asleep before we got out of the parking lot. We came in, fed the girls a quick and extra late supper, and went to bed.

The girls and I slept late this morning and then got up to an odd-smelling house. Yup. Those dishes were still piled up in the sink. I give my mother full permission to now disown me. I wouldn't blame her at all. There were clothes, wet towels, and toys all over the floor. I sat with the girls and fed them breakfast then started unloading the dishwasher to load it again. I walked through the house several times to gather things and put them where they belong. I washed, dried and folded laundry. And then I realized it was Monday...Addie's dance day!! I looked at the clock and we didn't have long. I found Addie's dance uniform in a pile in the laundry room where it had been sitting last Monday. I dug through the dress-up box and found a similar outfit and put it on her. She cried because it wasn't like the ones her friends were going to wear. I found another similar outfit, put it on her and she was satisfied. I changed myself and Avie out of our pjs. I grabbed the diaper bag, purse, phone, keys, Happy, blankets, baby, woof woof, papi, and headed for the door. I threw it all in the front seat, buckled girls in, ran back in to fill cups, and we went to dance. We left dance, ran through the Arby's drive-thru and went to visit with Mr. Wonderful's grandmother for a while. When my mother-in-law got in from work we went to eat at "Old McDondald's" again. This time we went in and sat down. The girls weren't really hungry so I just go them a milkshake. They both went straight over to the play thing and climbed inside. About two seconds later Avie was screaming from the top of it because her legs were too short to climb up the next step. Into the cramped little tube I went. Round and round the steps I climbed. The smell got worse and worse the further up I got. I made it to the top where Avie was stuck, gave her a boost and turned to climb back down the steps. Several kids were coming from that direction so I ended up having to go down the slide just to get out. I have always been grossed out by those plastic playgrounds, but being inside one was worse than I thought. By the time I made it down the slide and back to my seat, Avie was stuck and screaming in the same spot as before. Being the wonderful mother that I am, I instructed Addie to climb up there and give her a boost. The girls loved it though. They ran and screamed and played and had the greatest time. They were both red-faced and sweaty when I put them in the car to go home. I took them straight inside the house and dunked them in the tub. Mr. Wonderful got home just in time to help dry their hair, put on pjs, and tuck them into bed. Thank you, God, for my wonderful husband who works so hard to provide for us. Thank you, God, for my amazing children and the time I get to spend with them. Thank you, God, for our extended family and the fun we have when we are with them. Thank you, God, for giving Your Son to die for us so that we can be forgiven and spend eternity with You. Please help me to live my life for you even in the chaos of every day.

Okay, so this was not anywhere close to brief. I realize that. But then again, you knew it wouldn't be!! As I was sitting here typing this tonight, I noticed that my house still smells a little odd. Then I remembered that I forgot to turn on the dishwasher. Nice. Maybe I should just throw those dishes away!!

I am hoping that tomorrow and the rest of the week will not be as crazy. I desperately need to clean out the car. It just plain nasty. It would also be really nice to have the opportunity to turn on my oven for something other than frozen pizza! No wonder none of my pants fit...an issue we will worry about some other time.

Love and prayer for you all!

completely forgot my point

I have so very many things on my mind tonight as I sit and stare at the computer. I have no idea what to write. I am just sitting and trying to make sense of all the stuff going on in my life right now. I can hear the thunder rumbling outside and occasionally the room lights up from a flash of lightening.

I'm not even sure if it is raining right now, but I'm guessing that it will be soon.

I have always been afraid of the weather. Not like screaming and running to hide under the bed-type afraid. But I do usually feel a knot form in my stomach when the wind blows too hard. I'm not sure why.

Maybe I'm afraid because weather is so unpredictable. My life may be chaotic and unplanned, but the "real" unknown is a fear of mine. To me the weather is a huge unknown and on top of that it has power that we can't control. That is another fear of mine-things I can't control. I don't care about controlling trivial things like people or personalities...I want to control the big stuff like keeping my family safe and healthy. I'm not sure that I can always keep them safe from the weather.

Maybe I'm afraid because the weather is such a vivid reminder of God and His strength to me. It is impossible for me to see the breeze blow through the trees and not think of how amazing He is. Or watch raindrops land on the windshield and not be baffled at how He created everything so perfectly. So when the weather gets a little rough, it makes me feel like maybe God is angry. I sometimes feel as though God is going to get tired of me not living life as He intended...and the storm is His anger rising. In reality I know that God won't wash me away because I am not perfect. Honestly, I suppose I think that He probably should because I fail Him so often.

I know that salvation is not about being perfect. I know without a doubt that salvation is all about God's amazing grace and forgiveness. I know that because I have accepted Jesus Christ as my savior, I will spend my eternity in Heaven with Him. I have no doubts. What I do have is a lack of the ability to grasp the reality of grace. God's word tells me that His grace is enough and my heart believes Him. But my head tells me that I am a total failure at being a follower of Christ. I am such a mess. 

Tonight in bible study, I was talking and got so lost in what I was saying that I completely forgot my point. If you have ever been around me or read this blog, you know that happens to me pretty much every time I open my mouth. Completely annoying to those around me, I know everyone wishes I would keep my mouth closed. It's completely frustrating to me because I feel as though I have so much to say to others. Christ has carried me through so many struggles and brought me through many difficult situations in my life. I want so much to be able to use my testimony to reach out to others who may be hurting or searching for answers. I want to offer them the hope that I found. I want to point them to Jesus.

Mr. Wonderful and I were at a youth leader conference a few years ago. I loved the illustration that one of the speakers used. He said that he was "just the arrow." His job was to point to the Light. When teenagers came to his class or asked for his help, he just pointed them to Christ. He was really funny, too, because he kept saying, "Don't look at me...I'm just the arrow!" Guess you had to be there....What I'm trying to say is that I want to be an arrow for people. "Hi. My name is Holley. Allow me to introduce you to my friend, Jesus." Oh, how I wish I could do that. I feel like that is exactly what Joyce Meyer does every time I listen to her or read one of her books. She just helps me to find Jesus. When I find Him, I find all the answers I am searching for. I watch her and think of how great it would be to have the spiritual gift of evangelism. To stand in front of people and simply direct them to Christ. How wonderful to be so great with words. How wonderful to speak and get your point across to others with such ease. How wonderful to open your mouth and NOT forget your purpose for speaking.

Back to being a failure and mess, I know that none of that matters to God. I believe that Jesus lived a perfect life without sin and then died on the cross in my place. I believe that He rose from the dead three days later.  I have asked Jesus to come into my heart and have asked for forgiveness. Because of that all of my sins are covered. When God looks at me He doesn't see them. He has forgiven me. I know that His grace is sufficient. 

The problem is that I just want to be better for Him. I want my life to be an offering for Him. I want to be the daughter, sister, wife, mother, and friend that He needs me to be. I want to live a life that directs everyone I come into contact with to Him. I realize that I don't have to be an evangelist to do that...but at least having the ability to carry on an intelligent conversation would be helpful. Oh, by the way, it still hasn't rained and the thunder and lightening stopped.

I know that this is changing directions, but I am doing it on purpose this time!! Back in July I blogged the post "Skinny-Fat? Yuck!" about Mr. Wonderful's health issues and said that we were starting to work out and diet and that I would keep you updated. Well, I never updated and that is because we never did it. We exercised several times, but were just lazy and stopped. Unfortunately, we still eat like a bunch of college frat guys and never even tried to diet. He hasn't lost any weight and is actually feeling worse. I don't think the weight has anything to do with it though. He was feeling better for several weeks and we thought things were finally getting back to normal. Not anymore. There is something going on in his body that the doctors haven't found yet. I know it. I can feel it. I look at him and I can see it. I talk to him and I can hear it. I pray for him and I can sense it. There is more going on than just low blood platelets. I'm not sure if they are connected or not. He is tired almost to the point of being lethargic at times. He is distant. He has headaches. He has pain in his arms and legs that never seems to go away. He is weak. He has bags under his eyes. He just isn't himself. He is frustrated beyond words. He is fighting it and trying to live a normal life, but I know that it just gets harder on him every day.

We have both done lots of research and are searching for anything that matches his symptoms. Please, don't be alarmed! We don't think it is anything horrible going on. We just know that he is miserable and we have to find out what it is so that it can be corrected. We are praying every day for answers. We are doing the best we can with our current situation. Until now we have been telling people that he is getting better. I'm actually not sure how he will feel about this post. (Don't worry, I'll ask him before I publish it. I always let him read them first because I love him and trust him and respect his opinion.) We haven't been telling people he was worse because we don't want anyone to worry. I am coming clean about it now because we have made an appointment with a specialist but it isn't until December. I feel that it is necessary to ask for everyone to pray for wisdom and guidance for this doctor. I am confident that God has a plan and that He will take care of us.

Again, please do not be alarmed by this prayer request. Mr. Wonderful is fine. We have absolutely no major concerns for his health. We are just ready for the appointment so that we can get him feeling better as quick as possible. Please remember him and the specialist in your prayers. Thank you and love and prayers for you all!