I know that it has been quite a while since I have posted. Lately life has taken us in a different direction than we expected. It isn't a bad direction. It is just one that keeps me preoccupied with other things. I feel as though my whole world has been turned upside down. My house is cluttered. I never cook. I spend countless hours in front of the computer. I don't get much sleep. I am completely consumed with this new direction.
I had been feeling that this direction was going to be the answer to a prayer. A prayer that I have been praying for a long time. A private and unspoken prayer. A prayer that I'm positive was in my heart, but that my mind was having trouble admitting. A genuine request for God to give me direction about a specific thing. I thought that after all these years I had found my answer.
I have been throwing myself completely into this new direction over the past several weeks. I even talked about it to a couple of people. I made plans. I took steps. I did research. I made more plans. I made phone calls. I got excited. I did more research and took more steps. Today I made one more phone call. It was a devestating phone call. All my planning came to a screaching halt.
I now have no idea what to do. I've always heard things like "when one door closes another opens" or "when one door closes, look for the window."
Well, that sounds great in theory, but what if all the door closing means that God wants me to stay away? What if it means He doesn't want me to go anywhere right now? What if I go through another door and it turns out to be against His will? How do I know the difference?
Why do I have this desire and this plan and feel so strongly about it? Why was I so sure that this "dream" came from Him?
All afternoon I have been longing for days when things were simple. I've been watching my little girls and seeing their sweet innocence. I feel like a child right now. I need someone to tell me what to do. I wish my fairy godmother would come and make everything turn out perfect with a wave of her wand and a "bibbity, bobbity, boo." Ooh, or maybe I could make a wish or two from a genie in a bottle. But then again, that is just in Walt Disney's world, and I'm certainly no princess. What do those of us in the real world do?
If a dream is a wish your heart makes....and you are doing your best to keep Christ at the center of your heart....
Would it be wrong to stop now and not keep trying? Would that mean that I did not have enough faith that God would take care of me? Because I do know that He will be there. I know that He will provide. I know that He will be there to catch me if I fall. But it isn't really the "fall" that I am worried about. It is the "failing" that bothers me most. Especially if the failing means that I wasn't supposed to do it in the first place.
I once heard someone say that you should not doubt in the light what God has shown you in the night. How can I be certain that God is the one who has shown this to me? Is it wrong for me to keep going back and forth on this?
I wish right and wrong were as clear to me as an adult as they were as a child.
Perhaps Peter Pan was right when He said, "all it takes is faith and trust..." Of course, our faith and trust should be in Christ, but maybe the "pixie dust" just means our own hard work and determination.
Time to hit my praying knees and run through this plan with Him again. I know that God will speak to my heart and give me the peace that I am searching for. I am just not so great at the waiting.
Have I ever told you that God works in such incredible ways? Because if I haven't before, I will now....God works in incredible ways!! I just finished my post and was proofreading and something incredible happened. I felt God speak to my heart.
It seems so simple now. I can't even believe that I didn't see it before. I believe that God may have allowed this to happen just to force me to stop and see how it was affecting my life. I mean, I said myself that my whole world was upside down. God can't trust me with this until I truly trust Him with it. There's no reason to have a cluttered house or lose sleep. I know that I still have to work hard, but I also have to be able to manage my life and all the other things in it. If I can't do that, then why would He add to it?
Wow, I feel like such an idiot about my rant now! I am tempted to delete this, but won't just to prove that though sometimes God may seem far away, He never really is. It is us being too preoccupied to listen to Him. Sometimes all it takes is shutting our (my) mouth long enough for Him to give an answer.
Time to put my priorities back in order and trust God's timing. After all, He does see the big picture.
Love and prayers for you all!
Why do I have this desire and this plan and feel so strongly about it? Why was I so sure that this "dream" came from Him?
All afternoon I have been longing for days when things were simple. I've been watching my little girls and seeing their sweet innocence. I feel like a child right now. I need someone to tell me what to do. I wish my fairy godmother would come and make everything turn out perfect with a wave of her wand and a "bibbity, bobbity, boo." Ooh, or maybe I could make a wish or two from a genie in a bottle. But then again, that is just in Walt Disney's world, and I'm certainly no princess. What do those of us in the real world do?
If a dream is a wish your heart makes....and you are doing your best to keep Christ at the center of your heart....
Would it be wrong to stop now and not keep trying? Would that mean that I did not have enough faith that God would take care of me? Because I do know that He will be there. I know that He will provide. I know that He will be there to catch me if I fall. But it isn't really the "fall" that I am worried about. It is the "failing" that bothers me most. Especially if the failing means that I wasn't supposed to do it in the first place.
I once heard someone say that you should not doubt in the light what God has shown you in the night. How can I be certain that God is the one who has shown this to me? Is it wrong for me to keep going back and forth on this?
I wish right and wrong were as clear to me as an adult as they were as a child.
Perhaps Peter Pan was right when He said, "all it takes is faith and trust..." Of course, our faith and trust should be in Christ, but maybe the "pixie dust" just means our own hard work and determination.
Time to hit my praying knees and run through this plan with Him again. I know that God will speak to my heart and give me the peace that I am searching for. I am just not so great at the waiting.
Have I ever told you that God works in such incredible ways? Because if I haven't before, I will now....God works in incredible ways!! I just finished my post and was proofreading and something incredible happened. I felt God speak to my heart.
It seems so simple now. I can't even believe that I didn't see it before. I believe that God may have allowed this to happen just to force me to stop and see how it was affecting my life. I mean, I said myself that my whole world was upside down. God can't trust me with this until I truly trust Him with it. There's no reason to have a cluttered house or lose sleep. I know that I still have to work hard, but I also have to be able to manage my life and all the other things in it. If I can't do that, then why would He add to it?
Wow, I feel like such an idiot about my rant now! I am tempted to delete this, but won't just to prove that though sometimes God may seem far away, He never really is. It is us being too preoccupied to listen to Him. Sometimes all it takes is shutting our (my) mouth long enough for Him to give an answer.
Time to put my priorities back in order and trust God's timing. After all, He does see the big picture.
Love and prayers for you all!
