Do NOT withhold discipline!!!

Being around a child who is not disciplined is an extremely miserable thing. Can I get an "Amen, Sister!" on that? How about a "Preach on!" or maybe just a "Tell me about it!" 

Actually, before I get too far into this blog post, I should let you know that I am referring to my own children.

Shame on you for trying to figure out who's children I had been around lately!!

Don't deny it...you know you were!!

In case I haven't told you before, I'll tell you now: I am super busy right now! I have been for several weeks. The busy-ness is a wonderful blessing because I am opening a children's boutique in a few weeks. I am thrilled about having my own shop. I am even more thrilled that my mom, Mrs. Incredible, is helping me with it. If you follow this blog, you already know that I can't do anything without my mom!!

(Of course, I am nervous about the economy and how well it will do, but that discussion is for another day.

Today, the discussion is not just about children who misbehave, but about children who misbehave and then "refuse" the discipline and consequences that follow the poor behavior.)

Because of how much work is required to get the shop ready to open, I haven't been able to spend as much time with my girls. When I have been home with them, I am either on the phone or on the computer. I've been shopping for things constantly.....sometimes dragging them from place to place with me and sometimes leaving them behind with either Mr. Wonderful or a sister or friend. I haven't been home much at all because when I'm not shopping,  I have been at the shop painting, sorting, painting, preparing, painting, decorating,

painting, sanding, painting, oh, and did I mention that I've been painting?! Ugh.

Normally, I have no issues with painting and still don't. My issue is with the amount of painting to be done. And more than that, my issue is with the smell of paint. I've been battling the same migraine for almost a week now. I'm not sure why the smell is so strong. We are only painting fixtures. The walls were freshly painted before we moved in and it already smelled terrible in there. When I get in the car to leave, I can smell the paint on my clothes and in my hair. Ick. Any ideas on how to get it to go away are welcomed!! We've been leaving the front and back doors open as much as possible. I don't want to cover it up. I want it to go away.

Through the being gone and being busy and migraine and being distracted in general, my parenting skills have suffered. In fact, I'm pretty sure they are non-existent right now.

I'm not in denial. I can think of many reasons I am having discipline issues with the girls.  

(I love Supernanny and wish she would come keep my girls over the summer while I work. You know, just until preschool starts!)

Their routine has been completely disrupted.

Their mother has gone from being a "constant" to being a "here and there".

They usually miss nap.

They eat at odd times.

They don't get in bed on time.

They are around several different people they aren't used to.

They are at the shop a lot and get bored.

I don't have time/opportunity to disciple the way I have for the past 3 3/4 years.

They have been with others grandparents/aunts/friends who don't discipline them they way I would and always have.

And many other reasons that I am aware of, but are out of my control at the moment.

I'm not completely crazy. I know why it is happening. I'm just not sure how to stop it. Tonight I felt as though I was on the verge of a total nervous breakdown. Literally. 

Addie has developed a smart mouth and has started to talk back. She has such a bad attitude sometimes, that I can't even imagine where it came from or how to react to it. Avie says "no" to everything you say, no matter what you say. Even if she does what you tell her, she still says "no" first. Grr. That is so aggravating.

Tonight was completely embarrassing for me. Mr. Wonderful and I were at the shop working with my parents, the Incredibles. The girls did not listen to a word I said the entire time. If I said one thing, they would do the opposite. It was as if I were on "mute" and they couldn't even hear me at all. I finally just packed them up and took them home.

They are in bed now, but I just can't stop thinking about it. I feel so guilty. Discipline and structure is so important in a child's life. I have been praying all day that when the shop opens, and they get a normal routine back that things will get better. But I'd really like for things to be better now!

I know I'm making it sound like they are horrible, but they really aren't. They are still the sweetest children possible. They have just been disrespectful lately. I will not tolerate disrespect! It is biblical that we MUST discipline our children and I always have. I also feel that their personalities show it. I know that children will be children and I try to let them have as many freedoms as possible. But I draw the line on freedom when it puts either them or someone else in danger or is destructive or when it results in disrespect.

The Bible tells us in Hebrews 12:5-11 that the Lord disciplines those He loves, and He punishes everyone He accepts as a son. It also reminds us that no discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. But later on, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.

Discipline is and always has been God's idea. He does it, not because He is mean and doesn't love us or want us to have fun. He does it because He does love us and wants what is best for us..after all, He is doing it for our own good. Therefore, if I as a follower of Christ try to model my life after His, that includes discipline for my children.

Proverbs 13:24 says, "He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him" NIV emphasis mine

"A refusal to correct is a refusal to love; love your children by disciplining them." Msg

Proverbs 19:18 says, "Discipline your son, for in that there is hope; do not be a willing party to his death." NIV

"Discipline your children while you still have the chance; indulging them destroys them." Msg

Proverbs 22: 15 says. "Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him" NIV

"Young people are prone to foolishness and fads; the cure comes  through tough-minded discipline." Msg

Proverbs 23:13-14 says, "Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you punish him with the rod, he will not die. Punish him with the rod and save his soul from death." NIV
"Don't be afraid to correct you young ones; a spanking won't kill them. A good spanking, in fact, might save them from something worse than death." Msg

Proverbs 29:17 says, " Discipline your son, and he will give you peace; he will bring delight to your soul." NIV

"Discipline your children; you'll be glad you did-they'll turn out delightful to live with." Msg

I am listing all of this scripture as a reminder to myself that letting the girls have their own way, is not a good thing. They are children and God placed them in my hands for a purpose. That purpose, I believe, is to help them grow into the person He intended for them to be. I do not in any way enjoy telling my children "no". I wish I could say "yes" to everything. But the fact is that they would not respect me for it. Love without respect is not love at all. I want my children to genuinely love me as I love them. Therefore I must discipline them.

Proverbs 22:6 Has been posted on Addie's bedroom door since she was born as a reminder for me. It says, "Train a child in the way she should go, and when she is old she will not turn from it." Therefore, I believe that is telling me that, even if she doesn't understand it now, if I teach her and Avie to live a Godly life now, then they will follow Him when the time is right.

Hope you all enjoyed my "sermon to myself" that I will be using as motivation to find the time and if it just isn't there I will have to make it, to help my girls be the person they were meant to be. Which, by the way, is not smart-mouthed, out of control, and disrespectful! 

Love and prayers for you all!

I promise!!

Thank you so much for your sweet comments. I had no intentions of making anyone else feel bad for not calling, sending cards, etc. with this post! I promise!! This post came out of the things that I am personally convicted of. It has been on my heart and mind for such a long time. I've just been too lazy to sit and type it all until now. I couldn't sleep last night...I think I may have taken the "daytime" sinus meds instead of the "night" because I was so wide awake! But I did finally stop sneezing :)

I have just really been wanting to share the message from this amazing book. It is just so important and has the potential to be so life-changing and yet the concept is so simple. I do hope that the "love revolution" idea will catch on and be passed along by readers. Imagine what an amazing place the world would be if everyone in it lived and loved like Jesus! All people putting others first?! Gives me chills thinking about it!

I know I am probably not the only person who thinks constantly about loving and helping others but never really acts on it, but I assure you that the only fingers being pointed are directed towards me! Thank you so much for reading all my chaotic ramblings. The things I write in this blog are truly my heart and soul poured out...pretty much for selfish purposes such as clarity and therapy. If it plants seeds, inspires, convicts, or helps someone then that is even better!

 

Love and prayers for you all!

Love your neighbor

I realize that the following post is a complete contradiction to the previous post, and I see no reason to pretend it isn't or delete posts to make myself look better. I would like to be clear about the fact that being a follower of Christ does not make me, or anyone else, perfect and I would never try to claim that it did. What it does mean, though, is that my imperfections are covered by God's grace and mercy. While I know biblical truths in my heart, I have times (usually daily) when I am unable to put them into practice. I have had some very weak moments over the past several months, but have also experienced some of my strongest moments through that same time.

I would never try to lead someone to believe that being a Christian means that bad things never happen. What it does mean, though, is that I have a Savior who is there with me and giving me strength through it all. He provides just what I need, just when I need it.

So, yes, I have clarity about what God intends my life to be. And, no, I do not have a grip on the emotional roller coaster that is my "NOT life" right now. But, yes, I am praying that the good emotional days begin to outnumber the bad.

I've been obsessed with Joyce Meyer's book, The Love Revolution, since Mr. Wonderful gave it to me. I've read it several times already. Can I just say that God is amazing? I know I shouldn't be surprised by His awesomeness, but sometimes I just am.

I'm pretty sure that I have mentioned before that He has been working on my heart to be a more loving person toward others. For quite some time I have been trying to see situations from the perspective of others. God has been using this as a way to correct my reaction to every day experiences. It has made the biggest impact on my life in so many ways. I know that if others would begin to "love your neighbor as yourself" Matthew 22:37-40, the world would become a radically different place.

To keep things simple for this post, any direct quotes from Joyce Meyer's book, The Love Revolution, will be typed in purple. 

If every person on the planet knew how to receive and give love, our world would be a radically different place. Love must be more than a theory or a word; it has to be action. It must be seen and felt. I absolutely love how Joyce describes love as an action. That is so true. I had a conversation with a young mother a few days ago. We were talking about what her life would be like when the baby came. She was telling me how much she loved her baby. I knew exactly what she meant. But I found myself also saying to her, "Yes, but love by itself won't take care of your baby. You will have to work hard to take care of her because you love her." 

God is love! Love is and has always been His idea. He came to love us, to teach us how to love Him, and to teach us how to love ourselves and others. Our job, as Christians, is to live our lives the way Christ lived His. We need to overthrow the dominance of selfish, self-centered living in our lives. Instead of living life the world's way, we should live life Jesus' way. The world's way tells us to be out for number one, put yourself first, and to do whatever it takes to get what you want, when you want it, and how you want it. I am sure you have heard John Donne's famous line, "No man is an island." These words are simply a way of expressing the fact that people need each other and affect each other. Jesus told us to love one another because that is the only way the world will know He exists (see John 13:34-35).

God is love, and when we show love in our words and actions, we are showing people what God is like. When I think about the fact that I may be the only "Bible" some people ever "read," I am shaken to the core. What type of example am I being to others? Am I loving them in a way that would lead them to Christ? It is a fact that the world is watching Christians, waiting to see if we really are what we say they are. They are waiting to see how we react to situations. They are waiting to see how we handle ourselves. They are waiting for a chance to call us a hypocrite. As I already said, I would never try to claim that being a follower of Christ makes you perfect. But if you are genuinely trying to model your life after Christ's, I believe that people will see a difference in you, even when you fall. People are watching and I am amazed by what they notice and remember. Paul said to let all men know and see your unselfishness, your considerateness, your forbearing spirit (Phil. 4:5). Jesus encouraged us to let all men see our good and kind deeds so they would recognize and glorify God (see Matt. 5:16). Jesus did not mean that we should be showoffs or do things for the purpose of seeing seen; He was encouraging us to realize how much we do affect the people around us.

The Bible says we are to seek to be kind and good (see 1 Thess. 5:15). Seek is a strong word that means "to crave, pursue, and go after."  I believe God wants us to wake up every morning with the intention of living our lives to serve others. Everywhere He went, Jesus was doing things for others. He constantly stopped what He was doing to help someone else. He never told someone, "ya know, I've just got too much on my plate right now." If the Savior of the world wasn't too busy to lend a hand, then we should never be too busy to do something for another person. Doesn't matter how simple that "something" may be. Doesn't matter how many others may have already done it. Doesn't matter if the person won't appreciate it. Doesn't matter if the person will never even know about it. 

Joyce told a story in her book about four people named Everybody, Somebody, Anybody, and Nobody. There was an important job to be done and Everybody was sure Somebody would do it. Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it. Somebody got angry about that because it was Everybody's job. Everybody thought Anybody could do it, but Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn't do it. In the end, Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have done. I see myself all over this story. I never call people (even though I think about it all the time) because I don't want to disturb them. What if I can't think of anything good to say? What if they girls start screaming (as they always do when I pick up the phone) and the person can't hear me? I never stop by to check on people ( think about that all the time also) because they may be in the middle of something. I don't cook for them because they may not like what I make. I don't send a card because it may not seem sincere. The worst part of all of this is that all of these excuses are really about me. When I don't do these things, I am being selfish and focusing on what I want or need. I am not really considering the other person who may need someone but not have anyone because everyone else is being selfish, too. After all, the ministry of just "being there" is often what people need most.

Living a life of love the way Christ did is going to be a sacrifice. It was a sacrifice for Him to die for our sins, so of course it will be one for us, also. If you feel you are already loving your neighbor as yourself, consider this. Are you giving only of what you didn't want anyway? King David said he would not give God that which cost him nothing (see 2 Sam. 24:24). Real giving occurs when I give somebody something that I want to keep. God gave us His only Son because He loves us, so what will love cause us to do? It is pretty easy for me to offer to help someone when I have nothing better to do. But what if someone needs me and I already have plans? I always give away clothes we have outgrown to Hannah Home. But what if someone needed clothes that I still wear?  

The greater the opportunity is, the greater the sacrifice must be. I remember a time when I was complaining about some of the things God seemed to be requiring of me, because I felt others didn't have the same requirements placed on them. He simply said, "Joyce, you have asked Me for a lot. Do you want it or not?" Ouch. Every time I read those words, I can almost hear the audible voice of God saying them to me. I have asked God to give me a heart like His so that people may see Him through me. Learning to be like Christ is often uncomfortable. 

Real love requires sacrifice. Jesus died so we could have life and have it abundantly. Soldiers die so that civilians can remain safe at home. Fathers go to work so their families can have nice lives. Mothers go through the pain of childbirth to bring another life into the world. It seems quite obvious that someone usually has to experience pain or inconvenience for anyone to gain anything.  We are blessed to be a blessing; we are saved to seek and save others. We are healed to heal, forgiven to forgive. Life is not about us. It has always been about others.

Years ago I came across a piece about someone who fell into a pit and couldn't get out-and how others treated that person:

A subjective person came along and said, "I feel for you down there."

An objective person came along and said, "Well, it's logical that someone would fall down there."

A Pharisee said, "Only bad people fall into pits."

A mathematical calculated how the individual fell into the pit.

A news reported wanted an exclusive story on the person in the pit.

A fundamentalist said, "You deserve your pit."

A Calvinist said, "If you'd been saved, you'd never fallen in that pit."

An Armenian said, "You were saved and still fell into that pit."

A Charismatic said, "Just confess that you're not in that pit."

A realist came along and said, "Now that's a pit."

A geologist told him to appreciate the rock strata in the pit.

An IRS worker asked if he was paying taxes on this pit.

The county inspector asked if he had a permit to dig the pit.

A self-pitying person said, "You haven't seen anything until you've seen my pit."

An optimist said, "Things could be worse."

A pessimist said, "Things will get worse."

But Jesus, seeing the man, reached down and took him by the hand and lifted him out of the pit.

Whew! Amen! Praise the Lord! If that doesn't make you want to shout then I don't think anything will!! How amazing is it that Jesus didn't come to condemn us for being in a pit? He doesn't question us about the "how's and why's" of our situation just so He can gossip about us. He doesn't tell us what we did wrong or what we should have done instead or what He would have done if He were us. He doesn't tell us our situation isn't bad compared to His. He doesn't tell us He feels sorry for us and then walk away. No! He reaches His hand down to us and lifts us out!!!!!! How simple and awesome is that?! This, my friend, is the way we should act when we see someone struggling or hurting. We shouldn't compare notes or assess the situation. We should just reach out and hold their hand. We should love them the way Jesus does.

Jesus came to die for people. He was and is in the people business. And you and I need to be in the people business, too. We should always keep in mind that God loves everybody, and we need to treat others the way Jesus would treat them. We need to encourage them to be who God created them to be.

The single biggest problem we have in Christianity is that we listen to people tell us what to do-and we even tell others what to do-and then we walk out of our church buildings or Bible studies and do nothing. It doesn't matter what we think we know. The proof of what we know is in what we do. Jesus said we would be know by our fruit (see Matt. 12:33), which means that people can tell who we really are on the inside by what we produce with our lives and by our attitude. 

John made a startling and sobering comment when he said that "he who does not love has not become acquainted with God, [does not and never did know Him], for God is love" (1 John 4:8).

Jesus said, "'You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.'
This is the first and greatest commandment.

A second is equally important:
'Love your neighbor as yourself.'
All the other commandments and all the demands of the prophets are based on these two commandments."

Matthew 22:37-40