one of us must die

During my blog surfing today, I found For Love or Funny. It is written by an author named Lynn Kellan and had an amazing post titled, "I'm just a heartbeat away from an affair."

I know you must think I'm nuts for saying that being a heartbeat away from having an affair is amazing..........but that's not what I said! I said that the post was amazing. And that is because of her conclusion that "love is a choice."

I was so thrilled to see someone else agree with exactly what I believe...love is a choice! I was having a conversation recently about the fact that I refuse to get a divorce. Looks like it is time for the good ole disclaimer, so here goes:

The opinions stated in this post are specifically opinions intended for the writer of this post and her own personal life. She in NO way expects others to have the same opinion as her. She also in NO way intends to force her opinions onto others and their life. She is completely aware that everyone's situation is different. She also openly admits that although it is easy to say what she would do in a particular situation...she has no clue how she would actually react if she were to be faced with that situation in reality. She is simply blogging what is on her mind at the moment because she is sitting at the shop alone and it is quiet at the moment!

Okay, now that we have gotten that out of the way, let's get back to the psychotic ramblings. So, yes, I refuse to get a divorce. Mr. Wonderful is fully aware of my stand and claims to agree with me...but it is possible that he is agreeing with me out of fear. When I married him and vowed to be with him "til death," I meant it. The day he asks me for a divorce is the day one of us must die. Yes, I said die. I felt this way before, but even more now that I have two little girls. There is nothing in me that would be able to handle them being away from me. There is also nothing in me that would try to handle some other woman coming into their life and making decisions for them. God gave them to me. If He had wanted someone else to be their mother, He would have done that Himself. I actually feel the same way about Mr. Wonderful. God gave them to him, not someone else.

I have seen many people who are able to make it work and I am so proud of them. I think it is amazing to see someone make the best of the situation they find themselves in, because that can be so difficult to do. I just can't imagine being able to. I'm too selfish. Yes, I said it and I meant it. I'm too selfish and I want it all, especially when it comes to my family.

But back to what began this blog post. Love is a choice, not a feeling. Most people don't understand that. Everyone is so quick to say that they "fell in love" or that they "just don't love someone anymore." But that isn't the case. Love isn't something you just fall into or out of. Love isn't something that just happens when you weren't expecting it. That, my friend, is lust; not love. That swirly feeling in the pit of your stomach when you look at someone? Yup, that one is lust also. Love isn't something that just comes and goes. It may change over time, but it doesn't just go away. The people in my past friendships and relationships may not be a part of my life today, but that does not mean that I don't care about them. I do care very much for them and I wish only the very best for them in life. I just wasn't ready to commit to do the work required to keep them in my life back then. And I'm sure it was the same for them. Love is a commitment that requires self-sacrifice. It requires compromise. If you aren't willing to put the other person first, then it isn't likely that your relationship will last.

 Love is a choice. It is a decision that you make. It isn't just romance and fun. It is hard work and commitment. It isn't keeping the "real you" a secret so you won't upset the other person. It is revealing your true self to someone and them accepting you even though you aren't perfect. Love isn't walking away when things aren't going well or when things get difficult. Love is being willing to stick around and try to make things better. 

Mr. Wonderful and I have been married for 7 years but have been together for 10 and a half years. I love him more now than I did in the beginning - which back then I didn't think was possible. I guess that the commitment I made to him has just continued to get stronger. I certainly would never claim that it has been easy, but it really has been a wonderful 10 years. We have been through so many difficult times together. Actually, the specific things we have experienced over the years top the chart as reasons people get divorced. I don't know exactly how, but we seemed to grow closer through those times. We were able to lean on each other in the midst of them instead of looking for comfort in other places. We have also been through many amazing times together over the years. Way too many good times...fun and silly and wacky and things only he and I would enjoy.....to count! 

Mr. Wonderful definitely knows me better than anyone. And for some reason, he still chooses to wake up every morning and put up with my chaos.

Other than putting up with my every day nuttiness..He has survived my admittedly psychotic pregnancy hormones four times. Along with those four pregnancies he has survived my extreme weight fluctuation...and has never, not even once, commented on it to me. He survived five years of me being a stay-at-home mother and the obsessive cleaning that went along with it. He has done every construction/redecorating project I have asked. He puts up with my cluttered chaos when I am in the middle of a craft project. He sticks by my side in the kitchen when I insist on doing too much cooking (especially on holidays) because I love it :) and he washes the dishes for me because I hate to. He sits up all hours of the night with me while I finish up a sewing project...because if I ever leave one without finishing it-it just doesn't get done. Which brings me to the thing he puts up with probably the most...my short attention span. He has spent the past ten years without ever laying eyes on an action movie (because I can't stand them) and has watched way too many chick flicks (because I love them and I'm selfish like that!) He has supported the ups and downs that have gone along with opening up the shop...and the super messy house that comes from me working away from home! At the moment he is enduring (as he has every year before) my extreme children's birthday party planning. Not THAT is love!! Or maybe that is insanity...not sure which but probably a bit of both :)

When I was little I was in a church play called "Down by the creek bank" and it had the cutest little song in it about being a good friend to one another. 

"Love is...never stuffed up, never puffed up, never gives up when the going's tough. It's the biggest little word you can say. By the way, it's sympathy, sincerity.....it's everything happiness is made of. And I like it best when it's shared with a friend."

I suppose that is the best thing about Mr. Wonderful...he is such a good friend to me. I know that 10 years isn't really much at all in the big picture. But it has certainly been enough time to know that it isn't always easy. I know that Mr. Wonderful thinks that I am beautiful, but then again he has to because he loves me. So it does feel pretty good to get a compliment from someone who isn't required to give one. Because of that, I really do understand a part of what she is talking about when people get sucked into the fantasy. Of course, Mr. Wonderful isn't required to pinch me on the rear every single time I'm in the kitchen cooking and my hands are too messy to smack him for it...so I suppose that makes me feel pretty good also (even though it is totally annoying!) I guess what I am saying is the same thing Lynn Kellan was saying in her blog. While it may be nice to think about some incredibly handsome Matthew McConaughey-type guy sweeping you off your feet....

you'd probably just look up and realize that he was just a younger version of the husband/relationship you already have and that the fantasy of being swept away isn't nearly as sweet as the reality of having the man who already knows you best and loves you anyway.

Suppose I should add in another disclaimer at this point:

Mr. Wonderful knows that I have a crush on Mr. McConaughey. Just like I know he has a crush on Jennifer Anniston, Kate Hudson, Cameron Diaz, Faith Hill, Carrie Underwood, and too many other incredibly beautiful celebrities to mention. So posting the amazing pic won't be a big deal. But just in case it is...

this one's for you, Mr. Wonderful ;)      

Guess today's post was just a crazy way of saying, God knew what He was doing when He said we should only have one partner and that partner should be for life. It just works better that way. And besides, who in the real world has the time to look like those two and still work on the actual relationship stuff?!?!