If you are a regular follower of this blog, or if you know me or have been around me for any amount of time, you know that I am a lover of music. I'm not a lover of music because I am a talented musician or because I have a beautiful singing voice. Nope. In fact, there's exactly zero musical talent to be found anywhere in me. What I do have is an overwhelming appreciation for the fact that a song can help me express how I am feeling...even when I'm not completely aware of how I'm feeling. Not only that, but a song can give me a message that I desperately need to hear. A song can encourage me and provide me with a certain degree of confidence. It can empower me and give assurance that what I am feeling isn't as crazy as satan would like for me to believe.
I'm really loving this song right now, because it perfectly says how I'm feeling. It seems that every day I am becoming more frustrated with the world and its ways. I am fighting hard to resist the temptation to become bitter and judgmental, and am, instead, attempting to channel my energy and efforts into creating a place where my children can be safe from exposure to this world and its ways.
I feel as if that already fine line between living "in" the world and not being "of" the world is getting more blurred every day, not only by the world itself, but also by the church. It is becoming difficult for me to trust myself in what I believe is black and white. Accusations of being a "radical" and taking things to the "extreme" and looks of disapproval are being hurled in my direction at an alarming rate. And even more upsetting and confusing is from where this disapproval is coming. I just don't understand why people say that I am doing the wrong thing by "sheltering" my girls....shouldn't I want to protect my children from evil? Especially while they are still so young? Isn't that my purpose as a parent?
Recently, God provided me with an amazing opportunity to speak with a strong, mature Christian woman that I admire greatly, not only for her incredible faith or her dedication to her children, but for her ability to balance living "in" the world and not being "of" it (that I am struggling with). I found that, although our lives and personalities would appear to be worlds apart, our hearts seemed to be in the exact same place.
Although she was extremely busy on the day I saw her, she listened patiently as I whined and cried about my struggles. She genuinely seemed to understand my fears and insecurities. She never criticized the opposing viewpoint on parenting...thinking about it now, I'm not sure she ever referred to it at all. Instead, she used scriptures to make a powerful case supporting my own viewpoint. (So many scriptures that my mind was working overtime listening to her, trying to find a place to hold the reference for future study. If I hadn't been afraid she would think I was nuts, I would have grabbed a pen and started taking notes on our conversation!)
After my time with her, I felt so much lighter. I felt as if, finally, what I felt in my heart as the right thing had been validated. I know it was God's plan for me to speak with her that day. I'm sure He had a lot planned for her to accomplish that day. But I know in my heart that He used her to show me that I was on the right path.
Most of those opposing my parenting make the accusation that one day my girls will be forced to deal with the world and that they will not be prepared to deal with it because of my sheltering. They argue that my girls will not be able to fit in with society and will not have a place in the world.
My response to these people is in the lyrics of this song.
"All I know is I'm not home yet. This is not where I belong."
This sinful world is not my home. Why should I desire for myself or my children to fit in somewhere that we don't even belong?
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