Friday, February 3, 2012

Never grow up

November? Really? Has it been that long since I blogged?
I mean, I know that I've been self-absorbed lately. But November, really?
Well, I suppose if I really think about it, then I guess that is about right. It seems that time has been moving so quickly lately...when I look back over the last several months it all just looks like a blur. I can't really focus on any particular thing.  

My sister sent a movie home with me a few weeks ago. I can't remember the exact title, but it was something like, "I don't know how she does it."  It was about a working mother whose life and schedule are extremely busy. In the movie, it compares her life to juggling. She says that the key to being a good juggler isn't in the catching the object, but in the throwing it. I've heard a similar quote before that says the secret to juggling is just to keep everything in the air. 

I'm not really sure whether I really liked the movie or not. I wasn't able to watch it for "entertainment." I was too busy feeling convicted! Convicted of keeping too many things in the air and not concentrating on any of them or spending any real time on any of them. I felt just like the character in the movie. So many things going on and so many things slipping through the cracks. I've not been spending enough time keeping my hands on things....especially my baby girls. Don't misunderstand, I spend every single day with my girls. I suppose that I am referring to actual "quality time." I'm with them so often, that I may have been taking it for granted a bit. I know that I haven't always done that, but I can see now that I have been lately.  

The girls are just growing up so fast. It literally makes my chest tight to think this, but Addie will start school next year.  I read over some of my old posts this week and loved reading the things I had written about the girls. It really made me regret that I haven't posted more often to talk about them and tell what they have been up to. It just makes my head spin to think about how much they have changed and how quickly it has happened. I don't want to forget one single bit of their precious childhood! 

I have really been slacking in the picture taking department, too. From the time Addie was born, I took a picture of her every week. I did the same with Avie. I keep every single one of these pictures (even the ones with eyes closed) and put them in photo albums. I don't "scrap" because I would never be able to choose just a few pictures. They are all my favorite. The girls love to look through the albums with me. You can literally watch the girls grow up in these albums. Over the last year or so, the pictures have gotten pretty slim. And I have a huge backlog of SIM cards and photos that need to be placed into albums. Since I realized this, I have started flashing my camera at an extremely obnoxious rate. I refuse to lose another year of them. They are growing so fast....it seems like they look different every day!



I have a playlist that I listen to when I'm at the shop (because the radio does NOT work inside here!) and it has over 100 of my favorite songs and I just keep it on random all day.  This song by Taylor Swift is one of my favorites. Addie loves it, too. The first time she heard it she asked me, "why does that song keep saying 'never grow up'?" Silly girl. I explained to her that even though mommy wants her to be healthy and grow up to be a big girl, that I really love having her as my little girl for now. I told her that it made me sad to think that one day she may not want to be my baby girl anymore. Since that conversation, she absolutely loves this song. When she hears it, she comes to sit with me and sings it to me. Oh, I'm soo not ready for her to grow up!

I'm happy to say that although my life is still very hectic, I am no longer juggling. I'm extremely content to just hold everything tightly in my hands and keep them close to me while I race around like a crazy person! One day I'm sure that life will slow down. I'm also sure that when that happens, it will mean that my girls are grown. I have no desire to wish my life away just so that I can catch up on all the t.v. I've been missing over the past 4 years. After the girls were born, I felt as if I was learning pretty well to prioritize and avoid anything that kept me from spending time with them. I lost that for a while, but now that I am aware of it...it's all coming back to me pretty easily :)      

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