Thursday, May 5, 2011

big ole messy mess

As I sit here tonight staring at the computer, I am not really certain whether a blog post is appropriate or not. But yet, I am still here. I guess it's because writing has always helped me collect my thoughts. Whenever I feel lost or have something weighing heavily, it somehow brings me comfort. I do feel lost right now and comfort would be a wonderful thing. My thoughts are all over the place and it would be nice if they would just settle down.

I'm not sure if I ever explained how Mr. Wonderful and I came up with our girls' names or not, or where our shop name, LizzieLu & BabySue came from. I've had so many people ask since the shop opened, so even if I've told you before, I think it's time to do it again.

Our first pregnancy ended at 12 weeks in miscarriage. We never found out if we were having a boy or girl, but we talk about that pregnancy and our baby often. My mother gave me a book about healing after losing a child, and after reading it several times, I finally worked up the courage to ask Mr. Wonderful if we could name the baby that we lost. We decided to make it official, and use the name "Baby Roberts." Thus, the "Baby" in LizzieLu & BabySue.

Next came Anna Sue. Oh, how excited we were when we found out we were having a girl. I just knew she had to be named after my mother, Sue. Thus, the "Sue" in the shop's name. Mr. Wonderful's mother's middle name is Ann.  Anna Sue was stillborn at around 8 months. Although they don't understand, Addie and Avie are very familiar with their sister's name. They actually use it pretty often. When playing, they will go to "Anna Sue's house" or call Anna Sue on the phone, or will talk about Happy's friend, Anna Sue. Addie still calls the shop LizzieLu & "AnnaSue." Every time I hear their sweet little voices say their big sister's name, it brings me so much joy. They may not understand now, but one day they will know how special Anna Sue is.

When Addie came along, I wrote down several names that I liked. I couldn't really narrow it down too much, so I picked up the dreaded baby name book. I looked up Mr. Wonderful's name, Adam, and there it was. The perfect name for our sweet girl. Addison. It means, "child of Adam." Perfect. My middle name is Elizabeth and it just seemed appropriate for her to be named after her mommy and her daddy, so Addison Elizabeth she is. Thus, the "Lizzie" in the shop's name.

Addie was only 7 months old when I found out I was expecting Avie. And I was scared. I wasn't upset because they were so close (I was actually excited about that part) what I was worried about was how in the world would I be able to take care of a newborn and a 15 month old at the same time!! I was worried that I would have to put them in daycare if I couldn't do it by myself, and I really wanted to stay home with them. As always, my worry was pushed away and the situation was placed in God's hands. Have I ever told you before how much greater His plan is than mine? He provided exactly what we needed, exactly when we needed it. At our wedding, instead of having a sign in book, we had a picture frame with an over sized mat and let everyone sign it. A friend of my mom's had brought her daughter to the wedding and she signed her name in the most adorable child's handwriting (which is fairly large). This frame has been in our dining room since we moved in, and so we had been looking at the name, Avery, for quite a while and had grown to love it. We went through several names with Avie before deciding that there was no other name that should even be in the running except for my MaMa Hobbs'. Lucille. My grandmother made the decision on her own to move into the nursing home when I was expecting Avie. Addie and I would go and visit with her. She was so excited when she found out we were naming our baby girl, Avery Lucille, after her. Thus, the "Lu" in the shop's name.

On our way home from the hospital with AvieLu, I made Mr. Wonderful stop by to see my MaMa first. I knew she wouldn't be able to make it to the hospital to see her namesake, so I had to come to her. I called ahead and asked them to bring her to the front of the building (because I wasn't sure I could walk all the way down the hall to her room). We met outside on the front porch. There is just something so special about the older generation holding an infant. It may seem silly, but I think of it as them "blessing" the baby. That picture will be forever in my mind of her holding my new baby girl. Avie's hair even had a red tint to it the first few months, and my MaMa was a red-head! It was meant to be. Avie even has my MaMa's mouth. Which means she has very thin lips, totally opposite from me. Avie loves to put on "wipstick" which is really just strawberry flavored Chapstick. I think of MaMa every time I see her do it. She presses those thin little lips together and intently paints all around them. When she finishes, it looks like she's been drinking red KoodAid!

Most people didn't know my MaMa as Lucille, though. My grandfather always called her "Cille" and so did many others in the family. I think the people who worked with her at Avondale called her Frances. To everyone else, she was just MaMa. She was really something. My AvieLu reminds me so much of her. My mom and dad think so, too. MaMa was so much fun to be around. I don't think it was possible to have a conversation with her and not laugh until you cried. She was hilarious. She would say the very first thing that came to her mind, and nothing could stop her. Mom says she used to hold her breath when MaMa was with my oldest sister when she was a toddler. She says my sister would repeat everything and you just never knew what MaMa would say!

 My MaMa has always had such a huge place in my life. I would spend the night with her as often as my mom would let me. When we were much younger, she would sleep upstairs with my sisters and me. She was always worried about us navigating the stairs at night, so she put a "pee pot" in the room in case we woke up and had to use the restroom. I'll never admit whether or not I used that pot...so don't even ask! Years later, when I was older, I would sleep in the bed with her downstairs when I stayed, because my grandfather slept in a hospital bed. She would sleep at the very edge of the bed and would reach her arm behind her to keep a hand on me. She always slept like that, on the edge. I would try to talk her into moving over a little because I was worried she would fall, but she always seemed to work her way back to the edge. She was always such a light sleeper, too. If I ever made any move she would ask, as if she had been wide awake, "you alright?" 

I have so many awesome memories of being with her. Going on trips, and of staying up late, and of watching tv game shows, and so much more. I remember driving to Dothan one year and looking over to see a clown driving the car next to us. My MaMa took a picture of him and was waving and acting so silly. There was also the trip to New Orleans when my middle sister and I decided to swim in the hotel pool. My MaMa tried to tell us not to, and boy was she right! The strangest thing happened to our hair, probably too much chemical....she never did let me forget about that happening!! Then there was the spray she used to carry in her purse...I know my cousin, Desi, remembers that one, but I'll keep the details between those of us that already know :) There was also the night that my sisters and I were up late playing cards with MaMa and we were being so loud laughing, that she decided to close the door so we wouldn't wake my grandfather. Good idea, right? Not when she went to check on him later and the door had locked! She pulled the door handle right off the door!! My sister ended up climbing into a window only to find my grandfather sleeping peacefully, totally oblivious to our chaos. And that is only a tiny bit of the craziness and fun I experienced with her. Whenever my mom and I are together and do something silly, we always make the comment, "alright, now, MaMa!" And that is because that is all we can think of is her. She could make the most dull things just come to life. 

My girls are only allowed to watch cartoons from NickJr, and only certain ones. They always have breaks on that network between shows and say, "now it's time to move with the music." One of the songs they play by Laurie Berkner says,
"I'm a mess. I'm a mess. I'm a big ole messy mess.
From the north to the south and the east to the west
what I am is a really, really, really big mess!"

I always sing this song to AvieLu because it totally describes her personality. I don't think I'll ever have to worry about AvieLu. She can hold her own. I may need to worry about the person who crosses her, though. My prayers go out to the one who is brave enough! When she sets her mind to something, not much can stop her. I am tempted to use the word "stubborn" but I guess it is really just that she knows what she wants, how & when she wants it, and she won't let anything get in her way. But at the same time, she is so much fun to be around. She just walks in the room and you know the fun arrived. I can't tell you how many times people who have never been around her stop me and say, "I bet that one is a handful!" I have no idea what it is that Avie does to make them come to that conclusion. I just smile and say, "she sure is!" 

The "I'm a mess" song perfectly describes my MaMa's personality, also. She was always such a mess....and I loved it!! I'm so blessed that my AvieLu has her MaMa Hobbs' personality. They are both one in a million. They just have that spark about them. I love that I can look at Lu and see so much of the MaMa that I adore in her.

I usually end my blog posts by saying, "love and prayers for you all." This time I still send my love for you all and my appreciation for you reading about my chaotic life. But this time I am going to request prayers for my family from all of you. Please just remember us and pray for comfort. Thank you.





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