Women of Westview

It has been almost a year since my last blog post and many things in my life have changed. For one, I closed my shop and decided to come back home with my girls. I've never regretted it for one minute either. As much as I loved the shop, I hated how much time it took away from them. We had an amazing summer together and then this fall I started homeschooling Addie instead of sending her to public school for kindergarten. Avery is at home with us also, and both of them are growing up so fast it makes my head spin. They played soccer in the fall and loved it so they decided to try baseball. Not sure how it will go, but practice starts on Monday so I suppose we'll find out! 

Mr. Wonderful has still been sick off and on this year, but we've been managing. Until the holidays, that is. That is when it seemed to get much worse. The meds just weren't working anymore and the doctor wanted to try something new. He sent home an information pamphlet on a new drug he wanted to try out. Of course, Mr. Wonderful just lays it on the counter without even opening it. But I just couldn't. I had a strange feeling of discomfort when this new drug was brought up and thought that if I read about it then it would make me feel better. Wrong. Instead, the listing of side effects made me even more uncomfortable. I talked to friends and family about it and got mixed reviews. Some said we had to suck it up and do what was required and some said if they were us they would run in the opposite direction. While whining about it was good, it didn't solve the issue. 

We both felt as if we didn't have a choice in the matter. We want him well. What else could we do? Everything happened so fast I barely had time to pray that all would be okay (after all, who has time to pray when they are so busy whining?) Mr. Wonderful insisted on being a "Mr. Tough Guy" and went for the first treatment alone. Which is totally out of character for him, but I'm sure he was doing it to keep me from having to deal with it (you know, being strong for me even though he's the one who is sick). Anyway, he ended up getting extremely sick from the drug. By the time he was feeling almost normal again (two weeks later) it was time for another treatment. I went along this time. I didn't like it. The nurse, who we consider a friend and who is amazing and is always there when we need her and treats us like family, noticed my discomfort. In what I'm sure was an effort to reassure me, she joked lightly with Mr. Wonderful about how the injections weren't really a big deal. He tried to go along with it, but he can't hide anything from me. We are too close. We've been through too much together. I could see how bad it was. Especially when we got home and he got sick again. 

A few days later we were off to see the good doctor for a scheduled visit to see if the drugs were working. I say "good doctor" but really, he is an amazing doctor. We love him. He is a rare one who actually listens when we talk. He remembers things about us and our family. He chats with us in the hallway when he sees us. He tells us about his children. He doesn't rush into the room ready to leave. He walks in, sits down, and gives us as much time as we need. We love him. He has worked very hard over the years to get Mr. Wonderful well and we trust him completely. For this specific visit, he spent lots of time with us going over options and answering our questions and providing information. I was a nervous wreck before the appointment and by the time the doctor walked in, I was so wound up that I spent the majority of the visit desperately trying to avoid bursting into fits of hysterical laughter. Insane, I know. Believe me, I feel it. The good doctor was concerned about our desire to discontinue the current drug, but was quick to provide another option in the form of a new drug that has just been approved. Praise God. When we started the other drug, there were no other options.  

 After our lenghty time with him, he led us to his nurse's desk to set up another appointment. By this time, the urge to laugh hysterically had turned into the urge to cry hysterically. I was shaking so badly that it must have appeared that I was having convulsions as we were greeted by the good nurse we love so much. Because we were the last people in the office, she wanted to see a new picture of the girls and chat. But then she found out that we had stopped the new drug. She immediately swung her gaze over to me. Not accusingly, but knowingly. The tears started to escape. Under her scrutiny, I felt my chest begin to tighten further. The good doctor was encouraging us to continue to pray and have faith. My convulsions got stronger and my knees got weaker. I didn't want to hear that. 

The nurse said to me that I needed to be strong for my husband. I needed to be there for him. I needed to be there for my girls. And I'm sure she said other things that any other time would have been encouraging. Except that I didn't want a pep talk. I couldn't listen anymore. The walls were closing in and I had to get out of there. The nurse said to me again, "Just pray and have faith and be strong for your husband. You have to do that. You have two children you need to be thinking of." I exploded. I'm pretty sure I may have even slammed my hand down on the counter before I barked at her that I don't have only two children, I have four! I may only have two on this earth with me at the moment, but by gosh I have four children who own a piece of my heart! And then I'm fairly certain I stomped my foot like a child before running towards the door leaving Mr. Wonderful to deal with the shocked good doctor and nurse who had witnessed my insane outburst. I'm pretty sure if I had stuck around long enough they would have had me in a straight jacket headed for the pink padded room. 

I went straight to my mom's house and cried to her and my dad for hours. They were amazing and just listened which made me feel better, but I still couldn't let it go. I was tired of being strong. I was tired of not having a "normal" life. In the less than 9 years that Mr. Wonderful and I have been married, we have been through so much. I just wanted a break. I just wanted to know what it was like to live a simple life without so many things going so badly. 

My girlfriends and I had already made plans to go out to dinner and a movie together the next night. As I met up with them, I spent the first half hour whining as they listened patiently. This was what I needed. I needed someone to be strong for me when I couldn't be. Instead of telling me to have faith, I needed to have someone to agree with me that this just sucks. Really bad. I needed someone to admit to me that they didn't know what to say about it all instead insisting that all would be fine. That's what my girlfriends did for me that night. They gave me exactly what I needed. And then they helped me forget about my worries. We spent the rest of the night laughing until we cried and having an incredibly fun time together. Just being normal. 

We got home super late and had to be up super early for a women's conference at our church. The woman who spoke was the greatest. She was funny and to the point and sincere and I felt as though my soul was open for her to see through. The message she brought was, in a nutshell, "Life isn't about you. Put your big girl panties on and deal with it." 

Have I ever told you how amazing God's grace is? He know exactly what you need and will provide it for you exactly when you need it. Throughout the message this morning, I looked back on the past four months and was able to see very clearly how badly I had been wallowing in self pity. I was able to see how sorry I had been feeling for myself and how bitter I had become. I was also able to see that God had been patient with me during that time. Treating me with great care. Holding me up and giving me support when I couldn't muster it up for myself. I saw clearly the friends and family He had gathered to rally together for me.

I also saw clearly that He was done with it. He had patiently given me support and now He was directing me to stand on my own. He was reminding me that this life just isn't about me. He was gently telling me that He had put up with my selfishness long enough and that He would have no more of it. He was telling me to pull myself together, get over myself, put my big girl panties on, and get on with life. And I'm so thankful that He did.

Yes, there are times when we just can't be strong on our own. Those are the times when we need to be supported by our family and friends. Those are the times we need to be treated with gentle loving care. Those are times when we need someone to listen to us and cry with us and pray for us. But those times can't last forever. At some point those times must end and instead of gentle words, we need someone to tell us pointedly that we need to be strong, that we need to be there for those around us, and that we need to get over ourselves. Then it is our responsibility to put on our big girl panties, thank God for His strength and comfort, and go out and provide strength and comfort to someone else who needs it.

I think that as Christians, we need to be cautious about how we offer comfort to those in need. I believe we should always pray for guidance in how to handle specific situations. We should always use care when approaching a person who is struggling. If we will allow Him, God will show us exactly what the person needs. This is what my friends did. This is why they are my friends. This why I love them. The Women of Westview have this mastered. The Women of Westview are an amazingly diverse group (If you know the Women of Westview, you should be laughing right now.) The one, and possibly only, thing they all share in common is the most important. They have the gift of love. They have the gift of showing love not only in prayerful and spiritual ways, but also in practical ways. They love one another. They support one another. They sacrifice themselves and their time for one another. They are there for one another. They provide for whatever need they see and they do it without hesitation or question. They do it for love and not for recognition. Their methods may be as different as night and day, but their motivation is the same. They do it because they care. They do it because they love the Lord and His love pours out of them. I am very blessed to call these Women of Westview, these sisters in Christ, my friends. I love each and every one of you! God Bless!  

      

Um, that's a new one.

Now that the girls are getting older, they are finding new ways to entertain themselves when they are at the shop with me. Lately, they have been "shopping" here. They load up their baby dolls and stuff some things into a purse and walk around the shop together. They just browse and discuss what they see. Sometimes they will ask me how much something costs or what size it is. They even have some cards that they will pretend are money. 

Today, Addie comes walking through and announces, "I'm going to have a baby brother and I need to find something for him to wear." Um, that's a new one.

I usually just smile to myself when they say something silly or outrageous and tuck it away for later when I talk to Mr. Wonderful. Like the other day when we were riding in the car. Addie asked, "Mommy, are those dogs or are those sheep?" I bit my lip and informed her that they were goats. Thankfully, she didn't notice me holding back a giggle. She just said in her sweet little matter-of-fact voice, "Oh. They looked like dogs, but then I thought they might be sheep. I guess they may be goats." No, I'm not cruel for wanting to laugh at her mistake. It wasn't her mistake that I found funny. It was the fact that she is exactly like me in so very many ways that I found funny. Not too terribly long ago, I made almost the exact comment when Mr. Wonderful and I drove past a goat farm. I thought they looked just like cocker spaniels!!

So, yes, I normally just smile at the things the girls say. But today? Nope. No smiles. Just feeling nauseated.

Princess Peppa Guinea Pig

The girls are out of school this week for Spring Break, but have been stuck at the shop with me.

Since I knew I was going to have to work this week, I tried to make the most of their Monday (my day off). We met Mr. Wonderful for lunch and then went to the pet store. Addie has been asking for a pet since before Christmas. I want so much to give her one (even though I have no desire for one at all!). The girls are so sweet and content and almost never ask for anything. It is difficult to avoid giving in to them when they do decide they want something. 

But I must confess, I just don't want a pet because I am too selfish with my time. A dog is just so much work. If we got one, it would have to be a very small one (because both girls are afraid of them) which means it would have to stay indoors. That would mean house training and fur all over the place. Lots of work. I considered fish, but they are a lot of work, too. Cleaning the tank is such a pain. Plus, I don't really think the girls will enjoy a pet that isn't "hands on." I'm not a fan of cats, so that is out completely...the thought of an animal climbing onto my kitchen counters when I'm not home is absolutely repulsive! I had been trying to decide if a bunny would work for us. I used to have one and loved it. He was so sweet. He stayed outside in a cage, but I would take him out to play and feed him carrots and stuff. But after a while, he got so big that I couldn't hold him anymore. His nails were really long, too.

I can't stand the thought of getting an animal, and the girls falling in love with it, and spending tons of time with it, and then ignoring it when it gets bigger. It just doesn't seem right. So what do we do? Well, Addie is actually the one who came up with the best solution. I was in the kitchen getting lunch ready and the girls were watching Bubble Guppies and coloring. Suddenly, Addie says, "Mommy, I would really like to have a guinea pig. See if the store has some guinea pigs. I would like to have a white one." I wish you could have heard how casual she was when she said it. It was as if she were asking for cookies or something. It took a while, but I finally remembered that she had seen a guinea pig on tv. I was shocked at the request and couldn't help but think of "Hamster Man." I hamster-sat for Mr. Wonderful when we were probably about 12 years old. Although I thought Hamster Man was adorable, I was terrified that the little thing was going to bite me. He also escaped from his cage one night and appeared before my sister early one morning, sending her into quite the screaming fit. 

I sent Mr. Wonderful a message about Addie's request and he did some research on guinea pigs. Surprisingly, they are very near the top of the list of most perfect pets. After reading tons of information, we decided that a guinea pig was pretty much exactly what we said we wanted. It met all the requirements....it doesn't get too big, it is gentle and doesn't bite, it loves people and loves to be held, it doesn't have to be house trained, it doesn't jump on you (Addie's major requirement), it doesn't bark and scare off/annoy visitors, and it isn't too expensive to care for. My only hesitation is due to the fact that I know it will stink. But supposedly, if you change their bedding often, it makes a huge difference and helps cut down on any odor. Sure.

So, back to Monday when we went to the pet store. Mr. Wonderful and I know our children well enough to know that we should let them actually see a guinea pig in person before we brought one home. After seeing them in the cages at the store, the girls were ecstatic. But I couldn't find anyone in the store that was willing to help. We left and went to another store, but they didn't have any guinea pigs. I tracked down and unwilling teenager and she grudgingly allowed us to pet a hamster. Avie loved it and begged to take it home. Addie got upset and wouldn't touch it. This was the reaction I was expecting out of her. As we were walking to the car, she said she didn't want a guinea pig at our house anymore. She had tears in her eyes but was trying to be tough and not show how upset she was. The very worst part of it is that I knew she still wanted one. She was just scared. And she was extremely upset at herself for being scared.

I couldn't take it. I thought my heart would burst. I loaded them up and took them right back to the first store. We marched inside and I told the first person I saw (a cashier) that we wanted to hold a guinea pig. Thankfully, the guy who came to assist us was extremely kind and helpful. He picked up the one I had pointed out and held it for me to pet. I must admit that I was a bit nervous. I was still scared that it would bite me! I know. I'm insane. Addie gets it from me. I was aware of that before, though. The sweet guy handed her (the guinea pig) over and showed me how to hold her. I fell in love. She was so sweet! She snuggled against me and sniffed my hands. I couldn't believe my reaction...it is a rodent, after all. Avie loved her even more than the hamster and wanted to hold her right then. I talked Addie into petting her while I held her. She was hesitant at first, giggling nervously. But after really looking closely, she wasn't scared anymore. Before we gave her back, Addie seemed completely comfortable with her.

We didn't take her home with us that day. The guy explained that moving them can cause stress and said that when they are stressed, they can get sick. He suggested that when we get her home we leave her in her cage to get used to the new habitat for a day or two. Well, that isn't likely to happen if the girls know she is there. Mr. Wonderful and I talked about it and decided to pick her up towards the end of the week and keep her in our room for a few days before we tell the girls about her. I'm not sure how well this plan will work out (guinea pigs squeak and squeal), but I really don't want her to get sick. Maybe I can keep the girls busy outside so they won't find her. The girls decided on the name "Princess Peppa Guinea Pig" because of their favorite cartoon. I'll be sure to let you know how things go when Princess Peppa arrives at our house!


This isn't her, but her coloring is similar to this one.


Each morning when the girls wake up, they go straight to the living room and climb onto the couch. Avie complains about how bright it is and Addie complains about how cold it is. I give them a blanket and Addie pulls it up to her neck and snuggles while Avie pulls it over her face and tries to go back to sleep. I fix Addie chocolate milk and Avie juice and turn on the tv. I drag myself through the house trying to accomplish a few things until they decide the are ready for breakfast. I usually sit and eat with them then turn off the tv and start the day.

One day last week we were watching The Backyardigans. I wasn't really paying attention when Addie said, "Mommy, he's cute. I would like one of those." I had no idea what she was talking about, so I asked, "One of what?" Her response? "A donkey. He's so cute. I'd really like to have one." Remember when I said before that she has been asking for a pet since before Christmas? Well, she really wants one. 

Monday morning after we ate breakfast, I was getting ready to go to the pet store. Avie came in my room to show me that she was dressed and ready to go. Of course, she had dug her favorite purple flip flops from last year out of the closet. As I followed her down the hallway, she turned and asked, "Momma, don't you love the sound my flip flops make?" She was as serious as she could be. "Yes, I do," I told her. "I know. Me, too. I just love that sound." She just makes my heart melt.

The girls were on their very best behavior the entire day Monday. They had started to get a little tired by the time we were headed home. They began arguing in the back seat. Addie says, "Mommy, tell Avie that that isn't how you are supposed to say it!" Unsure I wanted to know what they had been talking about, I asked, "Say what?" Avie answered, "Tell Addie that God is bigger than nothing!" I had to bite my tongue to keep from laughing, "God is bigger than everything, Avie." Avie's response? "That's what I said, God is bigger than nothing!"

There just aren't enough words to describe how completely and blissfully happy I am. No, life certainly isn't perfect. But I certainly am having a great time living it!           

random things I hear, part 2

I just found this post that I guess I never finished. It's funny that I find it today after just writing about the random things I hear the girls say. Because along with their crazy commentary, I also listen to and answer the exact same questions every single day, many times a day.


I'm at the shop today and have the girls with me. At the moment, they are in the back watching Beauty and the Beast. Again.

They always like to know exactly what is going to happen next. We are always having the same conversations. "What are we going to do when we get up from nap?" "What are we going to eat for lunch?"  "What are we going to do after we eat lunch?" "Are we going to the shop in the morning?" "Are we going to school in the morning?" "Is Gran going to be there?" "Are we going to stay at the shop until it is dark?" "Will Daddy be home when we wake up?"

 "Is Daddy working with PaPa and Ricky today or is he at his office?"

 And so on. 

I don't mind answering them over and over again. Because our typical routine appears to be so scattered, it seems to give them some comfort to know what to expect. It almost makes things go more smoothly. Except, that is, when plans change. They always call me out about it. Even if the change in plans benefits them, they still seem to be bothered by it. Especially Addie. "But, Mommy, you said we were doing this today!"

Yesterday morning my mom called and offered to work so we could stay home. "Hooray!" I thought. "The girls will be so excited!" I had told the girls the night before that we would have to stay at the shop all day. That morning when I was fixing breakfast for them, Addie didn't want to sit down. She wanted to change clothes instead. Then she went to her room for a while. I figured she just wasn't hungry and wanted to play. When she finally came out, she wanted to know when we were going to the shop. When I told her we were staying home, she looked disappointed. It was then that I realized that she had been packing a bag of toys to take with her. My sweet little planner. 

Once Addie decided that it was okay to stay home, we had a really nice, lazy day together. Thanks, Gran! 

random things I hear, part 1

Remember that show Bill Cosby used to do called "Kids say the darndest thing"? He would start a conversation with a child and the entire show would have you laughing 'til you cried just because kids are so funny.

 Sometimes I feel as if I'm watching my children on an episode of that show. I'm almost afraid to think too hard about what they say to others when I'm not around! Especially considering the things I do hear....

"He said that word that PaPa Jimmie said that we're not supposed to say."
Both Addie and Avie to me every single time they watch Beauty and the Beast. The word "stupid" is forbidden in our home. The girls heard my father-in-law say it once. I'm fairly sure they have no intentions of letting him live it down. Ever. "Bored" and "boring" are also forbidden. Watch yourself!

"Boys have to do this when they go potty."
Avie to me as she demonstrated. No, we're not sick and demented people...she is in the two year old class at school and some of the children in her class are still potty training. It isn't our fault she turned 3 just a few weeks after starting school and is much older than the other children in her class. It also isn't our fault that she is extremely observant. Don't worry, though. I talked to her about it. But that doesn't mean she won't tell everyone she sees about it.

"Did you know that birds go poop?"
Addie to her Aunt Marshie during our weekly Sunday lunch. There was a really nasty looking spot on the car door that morning so I guess it was on her mind.

"Mommy, your hiney is getting big!"   

Avie to me on any given day. And, yes, Avie, it is. I was aware of that before you said it out loud.

"What did you eat?"

Avie to me as she tries to pull my mouth open so she can stick her nose inside it and sniff. I hadn't eaten anything. I had just brushed my teeth and she thought I was hiding chewing gum from her. What kind of cruel mother does she think I am?!

"Hurry, before mommy sees it!"    

Addie to Avie at any given moment. They haven't figured out that mothers always know everything. Even when they aren't looking. Especially when there is a baby monitor in the room.

"Mommy, say, 'Night night, Ballie.'"   

Avie to me because lately she insists that we call her Ballie and not Avie. Haven't figured that one out yet.

"No, you be the baby and I'll be the mommy." 

Avie to Addie because playing "house" is their favorite thing to do! (yes, that means after about four years, something besides "dress-up" has taken the top spot!!)

"Mommy, you need to take a bath because you smell like daddy." 

Addie to me after I'd been outside blowing leaves.

"If I fall in the potty, my friends will say, 'eeew, Avie's yucky.'"

Avie to me as she explained why she needed my help in the restroom.

"God is bigger than any monsters. He is bigger than everything!"

Addie explaining to Avie why she shouldn't be scared.

"I bet it was very stinky with all those animals on that boat!"
Addie to me after talking Noah and the ark at school one day. She's probably right. I bet it was stinky!


And that is only a very small taste of they random things I hear. Many of them I try to forget as soon as they say them. I don't even want to think about how bad it would be if they were boys!!
So, if you find yourself in conversation with my sweet little girls, just try to remember that I had absolutely nothing to do with it!!

This is not where I belong, Part 2



I know, here I go again with the songs. This just another song that is speaking to my heart right now, helping me to make sense of everything.

The video below is without a doubt, the best "skit" I've ever seen. I've have never, ever been able to watch it without sobbing. Please take a few minutes to see for yourself how amazing it is.

See how happy the girl is in the beginning with her relationship with Christ? He is taking care of her. He is providing everything she could ever possibly need. She is completely content with Him. That is, until the world steps into her life.

Did you notice how sweet the world seems to be in the beginning? How easily it pulls her away from Jesus? 

Do you see that Jesus never leaves her? He stays as close to her as possible, yet He won't force her to come back. 

Notice how one thing of the world just leads to another?

Notice how each new thing places itself between the girl and Jesus, creating more and more distance? Even when she looks back and tries to see Him, they are standing in her way, blocking her view. 

Although the world started out sweet in the beginning, and each thing appeared to make the girl happy as she first came into contact with it, it ended up hurting her and eventually causing her to hurt herself.

The most powerful part comes when the girl finally decides that Jesus is all that she wants and all that she needs. That is also the most scary part. See how hard she has to fight? See how brutal they are in pushing her back and pulling her down? Did you notice that as she began to fight her way back to Him, Jesus began pulling the girl back towards Him? He is fighting right along with her. It would be so easy for her to just give up. I am so glad that she doesn't. Seeing her continue to struggle to reach Him, Jesus throws Himself over her and protects her. He blocks everything evil from being able to reach her so that she won't be harmed anymore. Then He gently picks her up and dusts her off and embraces her. 

I said before that I can't watch this video without sobbing. Although the things of the world that came into my life may have been somewhat different that those in the video, this is a pretty much my own personal testimony. And thankfully, my testimony has the same triumphant ending as the skit you just watched. 

But what if it could have been different? What if the girl in the video had been better prepared when the world first enticed her? What if she had a better foundation upon which to stand? What if she had the strength to run back to Jesus and fight for Him before she was so wounded by the world? Before the world had come so far between them?

This is my prayer for my children. Not that they will never experience anything at all in life and that they will live their entire life in a bubble (as many people assume). No, my prayer for them is that they will be prepared when the world makes its attack on them. Because I know that attack is coming. 

This is why I have chosen to "shelter" them. Not because I think that I can protect them forever. But because I want to protect them long enough for their faith to give them a firm foundation upon which to stand. Then, when they choose on their own to fight for Jesus, He will be there to protect them. 

This is not where I belong, Part 1

If you are a regular follower of this blog, or if you know me or have been around me for any amount of time, you know that I am a lover of music. I'm not a lover of music because I am a talented musician or because I have a beautiful singing voice. Nope. In fact, there's exactly zero musical talent to be found anywhere in me. What I do have is an overwhelming appreciation for the fact that a song can help me express how I am feeling...even when I'm not completely aware of how I'm feeling. Not only that, but a song can give me a message that I desperately need to hear. A song can encourage me and provide me with a certain degree of confidence. It can empower me and give assurance that what I am feeling isn't as crazy as satan would like for me to believe.   

I'm really loving this song right now, because it perfectly says how I'm feeling. It seems that every day I am becoming more frustrated with the world and its ways. I am fighting hard to resist the temptation to become bitter and judgmental, and am, instead, attempting to channel my energy and efforts into creating a place where my children can be safe from exposure to this world and its ways.

I feel as if that already fine line between living "in" the world and not being "of" the world is getting more blurred every day, not only by the world itself, but also by the church. It is becoming difficult for me to trust myself in what I believe is black and white. Accusations of being a "radical" and taking things to the "extreme" and looks of disapproval are being hurled in my direction at an alarming rate. And even more upsetting and confusing is from where this disapproval is coming. I just don't understand why people say that I am doing the wrong thing by "sheltering" my girls....shouldn't I want to protect my children from evil? Especially while they are still so young? Isn't that my purpose as a parent?   

Recently, God provided me with an amazing opportunity to speak with a strong, mature Christian woman that I admire greatly, not only for her incredible faith or her dedication to her children, but for her ability to balance living "in" the world and not being "of" it (that I am struggling with). I found that, although our lives and personalities would appear to be worlds apart, our hearts seemed to be in the exact same place. 

Although she was extremely busy on the day I saw her, she listened patiently as I whined and cried about my struggles. She genuinely seemed to understand my fears and insecurities. She never criticized the opposing viewpoint on parenting...thinking about it now, I'm not sure she ever referred to it at all. Instead, she used scriptures to make a powerful case supporting my own viewpoint. (So many scriptures that my mind was working overtime listening to her, trying to find a place to hold the reference for future study. If I hadn't been afraid she would think I was nuts, I would have grabbed a pen and started taking notes on our conversation!) 

After my time with her, I felt so much lighter. I felt as if, finally, what I felt in my heart as the right thing had been validated. I know it was God's plan for me to speak with her that day. I'm sure He had a lot planned for her to accomplish that day. But I know in my heart that He used her to show me that I was on the right path.   

Most of those opposing my parenting make the accusation that one day my girls will be forced to deal with the world and that they will not be prepared to deal with it because of my sheltering. They argue that my girls will not be able to fit in with society and will not have a place in the world.

My response to these people is in the lyrics of this song.

"All I know is I'm not home yet. This is not where I belong." 

This sinful world is not my home. Why should I desire for myself or my children to fit in somewhere that we don't even belong?          

This week...

This week...

* My mother, Mrs. Incredible, worked the shop for me most of the week! It was so great getting to spend so much time with my sweet girls at home!!

* On Sunday night I talked Mr. Wonderful into helping me move two large bookcases out of the dining room and into the "green room," our spare bedroom. First, I had to take all the junk off of the bookshelves. I wasn't sure where to put it, so I just piled it all on the dining room table. Then I spent most of the day Monday cleaning out old toys and lots of other junk that had found its way into the green room over time. I set up one bookshelf with the girls tv and videos. It also has my unsorted photos, my Cricut and lots of craft stuff on it. The other bookshelf now holds my sewing machine, sewing notions, patterns, and fabric. I stuck a table in between them so that I will have a place to work.

I am hoping this will help me be more productive (we'll see how that goes!). You see, I absolutely despise having to clean up all the stuff from a project before I am completely finished with it. With it all in the back bedroom, I won't have to worry about cleaning it up every day.

* After dropping the girls off at school Tuesday morning, I took all the bags of toys I had cleaned up from the green room and several bags of clothes they had outgrown, and I dropped them off at the Hannah Home box sitting in the WalMart parking lot. I was pretty excited about being so productive.

After I picked up the girls from school and got them home, I looked through their bags and found a letter from their teacher. It seems that the school is collecting toys and clothing for a charity. Oops. No matter how hard I try to avoid it, I always seem to end up being "that" mother. You know, the one the teachers all hate because she always forgets things and is always late and is totally unreliable. Yup. I'm "that" mom. 

* I gave both girls a haircut on Tuesday night. I've been trying to talk Avie into it for a while, but she really liked having her hair so long. I loved it long, too, but she didn't love for me to brush it, so it had to go.

Addie decided she wanted her hair to look like Rah Rah's (my oldest sister), so she was brave and went first. I cut almost 5 inches off her hair. When I was finished, she ran to her room to look in the mirror, so I followed her with the camera to catch her reaction. I was already pretty nervous about what she would think, so when I saw her staring into the mirror with this shocked look on her face, my heart started hammering in my chest. When I caught my breath and asked her what she thought, she tilted her head to the side (the way she does when she's acting shy) and said, "it looks so different." I didn't want to upset her more, so I quietly told her that it would grow back soon and look just like it did before. She turned to me and said, "Mommy, I don't want it to grow back! I want it to stay like this forever!" I almost fainted from the relief. She wasn't upset...she loved it! She spent the rest of the night squealing with excitement and flipping it behind her ears. Whew!

After seeing Addie's new 'do, Avie couldn't wait to get hers cut. It was probably more than 6 inches that I cut off her hair. I know. And, yes, I kept a clipping from each :) Avie didn't like sitting still and kept wiggling, so I'm sure her finished cut is pretty much a mess. But then again, maybe nobody will notice since she is never, ever still! She loved her cut almost as much as Addie did.

I think they both look adorable, but it will take a bit of getting used to...they both look much older now!

* On Wednesday, we went to church and sang with the children's choir. The girls love it so much. Mrs. Stephanie is their choir director and she always makes it so much fun for them. They absolutely love her. I can understand why, though. I love her, too! I'm also completely jealous of her creativity and energy...She can, and does, do anything and everything, and she doesn't ever seem to get tired!! So unfair!! After choir, they go to Faith Weaver Friends and do lots of different activities. They come home completely excited to tell me all about everything they did, and they are also completely exhausted. They always sleep well on Wednesday nights :) 

* Today is Friday, and my dining room table is still covered in the stuff I took off of those bookshelves. I'm still just not sure what to do with it. When he has time, Mr. Wonderful is supposed to build me two new built-in bookshelves for the dining room. But as much as he's been working lately, it isn't looking like he'll get to it any time soon...I may never see my dining room table again!

* Mr. Wonderful asked me out on a date. I'm so excited! It's been quite a while since we've been out without the girls. He said he wanted to surprise me, but he also knows me well enough to know that I am not really a huge fan of surprises...so he went ahead and told me last night that he already had a sitter lined up for the girls for tonight. I knew I called him "Mr. Wonderful" for a reason :)

* I am helping plan a father/daughter, mother/son dinner party for our church. It will be next Sunday evening, and I can't wait. I am having so much fun coming up with ideas for it. We'll have dinner, dancing, a photo booth, games, and much more! I know the girls will have such a good time with Mr. Wonderful.

* The weekend is looking like it will be pretty busy. We have two birthday parties and a baby shower on Saturday. And, of course, they are all at the exact same time. It won't be so bad if Mr. Wonderful will be home, because we can just split up the girls and take each where they need to go, then I can go to the shower a bit late and we won't really miss anything. That isn't likely to happen, though. Mr. Wonderful has worked the last 3 weekends in a row. Saturday and Sunday. Yup. That's a lot of days of work with no days off in between. I'm pretty sure we will continue that streak this weekend, too. That means that one party will be missed completely. I feel terrible, but I guess everyone understands that you can't be more than one place at the same time. Or at least I hope they do!

* Last week I got the movie Beauty and the Beast for the girls because they were so good at the shop for me all week. They love it. I mean, they really love it. We have watched it every single night this week. They are already asking if they can watch it again when we get home. Did I mention that they love it?

We had told them that if they were good that we would get them something at the end of the week. Mr. Wonderful had the girls in the bath tub and I held the movie behind my back and surprised them with it. Later, Addie told me that she thought I was going to give them Play Doh. I thought it was so sweet that she was trying to guess what it would be. I asked her if she wished I had given them Play Doh instead. "Uh, no, Mommy. I love the Beauty and Beast......" I'm not sure what she said after that, because she began talking in a high pitch squeal. Then, I'm pretty sure that it was just squealing and jumping.

* Apparently, 4 1/2 years is the "official" age for squealing to begin. That must be the age, because even when Avie joins Addie in the jumping, she doesn't ever squeal. I'm not even sure if she can. Sometimes she makes a face that makes me think either she is trying to figure out how, or she is really annoyed by Addie doing it. Neither would surprise me.

I think squealing is Addie's reaction for pretty much everything now. Surprised? Squeal. Excited? Squeal louder. Happy? High pitched squealing and jumping. Sad? Lower squealing (some would say "growling") and collapsing on the floor. Mad? Alternate high and low pitched squealing while jumping followed by collapsing on the floor. 

As Mr. Wonderful and I discussed this squealy new phenomenon in our lives, I questioned out loud, "if 4 1/2 years old is when this starts, I wonder when it stops?" According to Mr. Wonderful, "Never." I suppose the proof is in my reaction to his asking me out on a date last night. He asked. I was surprised. I squealed.  As it sank in...an entire night to just be Holley and not Mommy...I got excited. I squealed louder. He told me that he already had a sitter to and that he was taking me to see the movie I've been talking about. I was very happy. I started to jump as I squealed. Yeah, I know. I don't get out much. SAHM and all.

I have pictures of the green room, the dining room table, and the girls haircut. Unfortunately, I can't post them because my computer hates me. It refuses to do what I tell it to do and it insists on continuing to catch one virus after another, which it knows I don't have time for. Oh, well. Hope everyone has a great weekend! 

   

Never grow up

November? Really? Has it been that long since I blogged?

I mean, I know that I've been self-absorbed lately. But November, really?

Well, I suppose if I really think about it, then I guess that is about right. It seems that time has been moving so quickly lately...when I look back over the last several months it all just looks like a blur. I can't really focus on any particular thing.  

My sister sent a movie home with me a few weeks ago. I can't remember the exact title, but it was something like, "I don't know how she does it."  It was about a working mother whose life and schedule are extremely busy. In the movie, it compares her life to juggling. She says that the key to being a good juggler isn't in the catching the object, but in the throwing it. I've heard a similar quote before that says the secret to juggling is just to keep everything in the air. 

I'm not really sure whether I really liked the movie or not. I wasn't able to watch it for "entertainment." I was too busy feeling convicted! Convicted of keeping too many things in the air and not concentrating on any of them or spending any real time on any of them. I felt just like the character in the movie. So many things going on and so many things slipping through the cracks. I've not been spending enough time keeping my hands on things....especially my baby girls. Don't misunderstand, I spend every single day with my girls. I suppose that I am referring to actual "quality time." I'm with them so often, that I may have been taking it for granted a bit. I know that I haven't always done that, but I can see now that I have been lately.  

The girls are just growing up so fast. It literally makes my chest tight to think this, but Addie will start school next year.  I read over some of my old posts this week and loved reading the things I had written about the girls. It really made me regret that I haven't posted more often to talk about them and tell what they have been up to. It just makes my head spin to think about how much they have changed and how quickly it has happened. I don't want to forget one single bit of their precious childhood! 

I have really been slacking in the picture taking department, too. From the time Addie was born, I took a picture of her every week. I did the same with Avie. I keep every single one of these pictures (even the ones with eyes closed) and put them in photo albums. I don't "scrap" because I would never be able to choose just a few pictures. They are all my favorite. The girls love to look through the albums with me. You can literally watch the girls grow up in these albums. Over the last year or so, the pictures have gotten pretty slim. And I have a huge backlog of SIM cards and photos that need to be placed into albums. Since I realized this, I have started flashing my camera at an extremely obnoxious rate. I refuse to lose another year of them. They are growing so fast....it seems like they look different every day!

I have a playlist that I listen to when I'm at the shop (because the radio does NOT work inside here!) and it has over 100 of my favorite songs and I just keep it on random all day.  This song by Taylor Swift is one of my favorites. Addie loves it, too. The first time she heard it she asked me, "why does that song keep saying 'never grow up'?" Silly girl. I explained to her that even though mommy wants her to be healthy and grow up to be a big girl, that I really love having her as my little girl for now. I told her that it made me sad to think that one day she may not want to be my baby girl anymore. Since that conversation, she absolutely loves this song. When she hears it, she comes to sit with me and sings it to me. Oh, I'm soo not ready for her to grow up!

I'm happy to say that although my life is still very hectic, I am no longer juggling. I'm extremely content to just hold everything tightly in my hands and keep them close to me while I race around like a crazy person! One day I'm sure that life will slow down. I'm also sure that when that happens, it will mean that my girls are grown. I have no desire to wish my life away just so that I can catch up on all the t.v. I've been missing over the past 4 years. After the girls were born, I felt as if I was learning pretty well to prioritize and avoid anything that kept me from spending time with them. I lost that for a while, but now that I am aware of it...it's all coming back to me pretty easily :)      

tablescapes



here comes Tuesday morning!!

Wow, what a morning I've had. Just when I though that things could not get worse than the Sunday evening and Monday I had, here comes Tuesday morning!! I suppose I'll start my whining at the beginning, so here goes.

On Sunday, I woke up to burning ache behind my right shoulder blade. It was pretty bad, but I just popped a few Tylenol and went to church. Later that day, I tried some Motrin. It just kept getting worse. I was even having a hard time driving. Not just because I couldn't look left or right, but because it hurt extremely badly to even reach up to hold the steering wheel. Ouch. When we finally got home from church, I dug out a bottle of muscle relaxers. They didn't help either. Just made me sleepy. Mr. Wonderful was left to take care of the girls and get them into bed. At about 3 a.m., I woke up to an excruciating pain that seemed to have me paralyzed. I managed to wake Mr. Wonderful who spent the rest of the night/morning taking care of me. I managed to get a bit more sleep, but woke up feeling just as bad.

After Mr. Wonderful had dropped the girls off at school, he came home and helped me get ready for the doctor's appointment he had made for me. One burning shot and three prescriptions later, we were on our way home. It seems to just be a strained muscle and nothing serious. I spent my entire Monday in bed. Mr. Wonderful did everything...took girls to dance, picked up my meds, made lunch, cooked supper, and put girls into bed again.

I woke up this morning still stiff and sore, but so much better than before. It was so good to be out of bed! I got the girls ready for school and even managed to scoot them out the door early. As I was driving through the neighborhood, I felt something scratch my left leg. Then it started to burn. I carefully (I was a bit scared to move for fear of making my back hurt again) reached down and touched the burning spot. The burning turned into stabbing pain. I stopped the car and pulled my pants leg up to see what the problem was....a yellow jacket. By then it had already stung me two more times on the leg. It stung me on my finger as I tried to get it off my pants. I threw the car in park and jumped out. I stripped my pants off and threw them down, just in time to see a car drive by. I was standing pants-less in the street on the main entrance to our neighborhood. Yay for me. I never did find yellow jacket that caused all the craziness. So much for getting the girls to school early. At least we were going to make it on time. Then I waited to pull out on the highway for over 5 minutes because they were paving the road. I still thought we would be okay because we had left super early. Until I got across town and got caught behind a car accident that had just happened. Everyone seemed to be fine, so no worries there. The police were pulling up at the same time I did. By then, it was evident that I would have to wait quite a while to pull across the highway....the traffic was basically sitting still even though the left lane was completely open. People are so nosey. Nothing stopping them from moving but their own sick curiosity. 

We were finally getting out of the car at school when Avie announced that she had to go potty. It was 8 o'clock on the dot. We stopped by the potty on the way to their classrooms. Avie had actually allowed me to help her, which is rare. After we sent Addie into her class, Avie told me her pants were wet. What? That's not possible. After confirming that she did need to change, we stopped by her classroom and asked her teacher for her clothes bag. I'm not sure what I did wrong when I took her to potty. Maybe I was concentrating too much on being careful to not hurt my back and not enough on being sure her pants were out of the way. I got her changed, took her to class, got her snack set up on her table, signed both girls in 10 minutes late, and headed to the car. As I started to unlock it, I realized that I still had Addie's snack bag in my hands. Back into the school I went.

What a morning. I'm exhausted all over again just thinking about it. It has gotten much better now. The burning in my leg has finally eased off...those yellow jackets stings feel like acid running through you! Hope your morning went better than mine!!!! 

You know, I decided to cheat

Remember when I said before that Mr. Wonderful and I have been attending classes in hopes of being selected to become foster parents?

If you don't remember me mentioning that, it is probably  because you clicked on the link I posted last week on facebook that took you to a post all about sappy love songs called, "YouTube kick." I sincerely apologize for that. I didn't realize that the link would bring you to that post. The sappy love songs were really just for me...I had no intentions of asking you all to sit through them! The link I meant to send you to, "actually watch the videos" had silly songs at the beginning then talked about foster parenting toward the end. If you missed it and are curious as to why in the world we wish to become foster parents, then you can go back and read it :)

  Okay, so remember I said how much work has been involved in taking those classes? Well, a lot of that work is meant to help them get to know us better and help them make the best decision regarding our ability to foster. Most of the "work" has been fairly simple up to this point, such as answering specific questions about ourselves and our lives. Well, this week it got a little complicated. Meaning that they asked us to write an autobiography. Really? An autobiography?! Um, okay.....I guess....If you really want me to...

Initially, I was thinking, "that's a pretty big request, but I'm pretty good at putting things on paper, so I'm sure I can handle it." I came home, put on my comfy pjs, propped up some pillows, grabbed my pen and paper, and crawled into bed to write. And then something strange happened. I wasn't exactly sure what to write. I found myself looking at the guide that they gave us and just answering the questions on there. Most of what I wrote didn't even make sense. It was a disaster. 
I never have any problems talking about myself and my life when I'm blogging. I decided that I would look back over my blog posts and just print a few of them off and then fill in the blanks to make a finished product. You know, I decided to cheat. Blogging comes so easily for me. I'm not sure what the difference is. I guess that when I blog I feel like I'm am having a conversation with my best friend. I never really think about anyone really reading it. That is probably why I usually end up revealing such personal things...I just feel comfortable sharing it and completely forget that someone may actually stumble on it and read the intimate details of my chaotic and crazy life!
After looking over a few of my old posts, I think the hardest part of this "autobiography" project will be trying to narrow it down! I sure don't want my worker falling asleep as she reads about my boring life!! 


  

YouTube Kick

Loving you, Mr. Wonderful.

So, obviously I'm still on the YouTube kick. I love the song, "God gave me you." Most people know it because it is a fairly new release from Blake Shelton. But I loved it long before he recorded it.

I had heard it several times a while ago on the radio and just didn't know who sang it. I'm so glad that I decided to look it up. It is this guy, Dave Barnes. I'm sure many of you have heard of him before, but I'm a mommy of two little girls who insist on listening to their music when we are in the car. After I drop them off, I am only in the car by myself for a few more minutes before I get to the shop. So I never really have an opportunity to keep up with all the new music. But once I found him, I listened to some of his other music, and I didn't hear anything that I didn't love! 

Here is his version of "God gave me you." I love the video. And, yes, I know that I'm "such a girl."

Swoon, right?

Then there's this one.

Think it can't get any better? What about his version of "My Girl," one of the greatest songs ever?!

Possibly the best cover ever. 

With all of these sweet love songs, I can't help but think of mine and Mr. Wonderful's wedding song. We didn't really have a song when we were dating....we had more of a "thing" we did every time we heard a sappy love song or just a song we loved...we would sing to each other in the most theatrical voices and dance :) So, when it came time to narrow it down to just one song for the wedding, we had a LOT to go through. When we finally listened to this one, the lyrics just said it all. This song could have been written about us. Although I don't particularly care for the artist singing it in this video, the friend who sang it at our wedding has an amazing voice. I actually told his wife once that I were her, I would never let him stop singing to me!

Love, love, love that song. Can't do anything but picture Mr. Wonderful when I hear it.

actually watch the videos!!

Okay, so I completely admit that this song is totally dorky. But at the same time, it is so true! I came across it as I was searching YouTube for something else, and I just had to post it as a shout out to all the awesome mom's who take time out of their super busy schedule to read my blog :)

For this next song, be prepared to listen closely. His singing is silly and there are a few times he is hard to understand.

Okay, so that one was totally dorky, too. But, also, so true! I saw it, loved it, laughed out loud, I listened to it again, and decided to share it as a warning for all the husbands who read my blog :)

Okay, for this one you REALLY need to listen closely. And be prepared to read quickly as you listen!

This one I had heard before, but forgotten about. I am so excited that I found it again! Another awesome shout out to the mom readers!! If you don't know who Anita Renfroe is or have never heard her comedy before, you have got to find her! She is great!!

This next one doesn't have a video to go with it. Just a picture of three goofy guys with amazing voices. This song has amazing lyrics.

This is the song I was searching for that caused all the chaotic YouTube video posting. Did you notice that these are the same guys who sang the "Mom Song"? Yeah, super talented, aren't they! I've always loved this song. It is just so sweet. I feel as if this is a song just for me from my Heavenly Father. I just brings me to tears every time I hear it. It is an amazing reminder that God has a plan and a purpose for us all. 

Of course, this song also makes me think of my sweet little girls. I love them so much and I only want the very best for them. I hear a great amount of disapproval from others about the way Mr. Wonderful and I choose to raise our girls. We feel that it is extremely important to shelter them from the world, and we do everything we can to do exactly that. The most common criticism we hear is that our girls will not be able to "fit in with the world." I understand where people are coming from when they say that. But what they don't understand is....that is exactly what I want! I realize that one day my girls will have no choice but to deal with the world and it's ways, and that will be for the rest of their lives. So why wouldn't I want to protect them from it now while they are still so young and innocent?

Another reason I have been searching for this song is the same reason that I haven't been blogging lately and have been so busy. Mr. Wonderful and I have been taking GPS classes for the past 6 weeks because we would like to become foster parents. I didn't want to mention it before because we have to be "selected and approved" to be able to do this. So if there were some chance that things wouldn't work out, then I just didn't want to have to answer a lot of questions about it. But I feel so strongly that this is exactly what God is calling us to do. He has given me a heart for children and I know that He intends for me to use it for this purpose. As I look back over the years, I can see all the ways He has been preparing Mr. Wonderful and me for this. Foster parenting is not something we are approaching lightly. We are very aware of how difficult it will be and how much it will change our lives. We have felt led in this direction for many years and have always kept the option of adoption open. We have spent much time in prayer and feel that now is the time. 

The reason I wanted to hear this song again is that I think all of the children entering foster care need to have someone say this to them or make them feel this way. No matter what they have been through or how they act, they need to know that someone loves them and cares about them. They need to know that love is not just an emotion. They need to see that love is an act. They need to see love in action. They need to see love the way that God loves them. This song represents the message that I hope to bring to every single child who enters my home. This song represents the message that I hope to get across to their families. The message that God can take what is broken and He can make it whole and that He loved them enough to die for them. Please pray for us and for our girls as we get deeper into this journey.

I hope you enjoyed these videos as much as I did. Isn't laughter a wonderful thing? Oh, and if you didn't bother to actually watch the videos or listen to the songs, do yourself a favor and go back and check them out! They are so worth it :)

Love and prayers for you all!