I've always been such a "Martha"

First of all, I must begin this post by saying that I know absolutely nothing about computers. You would think that after several years of court reporting school that I would be a computer expert! Of course, if you thought that you would be wrong. Computers have completely surpassed me. I am so intimidated by them. I feel like they are the ones in control when I log on, and considering the fact that I am a control freak, that just doesn't sit well with me. I would even consider trying to catch up on things, but mine seems to have a bug and goes crazy all the time. Either that or it just REALLY doesn't like me. I have this odd feeling that I will sit here for an hour writing and my computer will suddenly shut down and I will lose it all. If so, you will never hear from me again because I will be too involved in a total meltdown!

I was actually heading to bed when the phone rang. Adam went out for a while so I thought it would be great to clear my head while waiting on him to get home. (I'll tell ya where he went later)

I've had the absolute best weekend! Adam came home from work early on Friday and we played in the snow with the girls. I would have preferred running through the sprinklers or splashing in the kiddie pool with them because I'm a warm-weather kind of girl, but it was a lot of fun watching them. They were so amazed by it. Watching their footprints, building a snowman, throwing a snowball....everything in life is just so much better when I get to experience it with the girls. The innocence that surrounds them just wraps me up. It makes me feel child-like and innocent, too.

In the past several years, I've been forced to face the fact that I tend to be a bit uptight. Oh, how it pains me to say that. I was in a state of utter shock and disbelief the first time I ever heard someone refer to me as "uptight." At the time I just shrugged it off, considering the source, whose intent was to inflict pain. As I turned the sting of the word over to prayer, God began to work in my heart. He placed a book in my path that discussed how people who are perfectionists tend to push their perfectionist ways on others without realizing it and unintentionally set themselves up for disappointment.

I have to take a moment here and post a WARNING: Beware of praying for God to make things "obvious" to you. He may just smack you in the face with it!!!

Or at least it felt like He did that to me. I hit my knees and prayed to be able to loosen up. To be able to enjoy life without worry. To overcome the insatiable desire to be perfect. To relax my expectations of others and allow myself to be satisfied with "whatever." I would love to say that a glorious light shown down from the heavens and all of my craziness was swept away.....but anyone who knows me will tell you that isn't at all true because I am crazier than ever!

What did happen is that God is daily showing me how to let go. He gave me two beautiful little girls who are helping me every second of the day with that struggle, whether I like it or not! Two little girls who couldn't possibly be any different from one another.

Addie, 2 1/2, is just like me. She is compassionate. She genuinely cares about people and likes to take care of them. She notices the emotion in your face before you ever say a word. She loves to cook and help me around the house. She loves music and will insist on listening to her favorite songs over and over. She loves to dance and even begins to move involuntarily when she hears music, but gets totally embarrassed if she notices anyone watching. She has a bit of a sarcastic tone at times. She is dainty and delicate. When she runs and skips it is like she's floating on air. But, poor girl, she has the feet of a troll, a beautiful troll, but still a troll. If she gets into trouble, she will stand there and cry and whine to get her way out of it. She can't be defined as girly, but likes girly things. But she also likes playing outside and wrestling and anything else that would be considered tomboyish. She will flip out over a spot on her pants, but cares nothing at all about the mess on her face. She is quirky and funny and one of my absolute favorite people in the world.

Avie, 16 months, is the polar opposite of Addie. She is silly. And a little selfish. I don't mean that in a bad way, it's just that if she is okay then she cares about you, but if she isn't okay then she cares about herself. A mess has never bothered her unless it was in her way, in which case she would simply pick it up and throw it out of her way, or possibly plow through it, or scream at me until I move it. She also loves to dance and moves involuntarily when she hears music, but she loves it if someone watches and just dances more. She talks back to me by grunting with her paci in her mouth, but I know what she is saying by the look in her eye. When she gets into trouble she throws her back out and hurls herself into the floor to get away from me, and when she does get away, she slaps her leg and grunts; if she feels brave enough, she may even come by and slap my leg. She is clumsy and seems to stomp instead of walk. But she has the most precious and tiny hands and feet. She isn't girly either, but likes girly things...just not the same girly things as Addie. She will find the tiniest speck of dust on the floor and bring it to me and not ever even notice the huge piles of dirt everywhere, you can just forget the mess on her...she is immune to it. She is crazy and silly and one of my absolute favorite people in the world.

I tell you about my girls to tell you this. There was a time when I would not go to bed until my house was spotless. I would have never gotten up from supper and left the dishes in the sink. I would have never let the laundry pile up in the floor. I would have never let clutter have a place in my home...........but being a mom has been one of the most freeing experiences of my life. I was afraid it would make those tendencies worse, but it has only helped me to separate myself from them.

I've always been such a "Martha." Over the years I have spent much time praying to be more like Mary. I have read the book, Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World, at least 8 or 9 times. As soon as I get close to the end, I feel like I need to start at the beginning again.

My girls have been a major factor in that prayer finding an answer. Something about experiencing life through the eyes of a child just changed me. Every moment with them I see even more how important it is the realize that "only One thing is needed." If you aren't familiar with the story or just haven't looked at it in a while, turn to Luke 10:40. "Keep it simple, sister" was the theme of a women's conference I attended recently. They used the scripture Matthew 6:33 and throughout the day I was reminded of Martha and her sister Mary and the amazing fact that only ONE thing is needed and that is Jesus Christ!!!!! Dear Father, please help me to not be worried and upset about many things.

Well, Adam has made it home safely and now we are headed to get some sleep. As I promised......he went to check on someone at the ER, but everything is okay. Please just add this person and their health issues to your personal prayer list. God knows who they are.