A Holy Example

The past few days around my home have been pretty miserable. Addie woke up sick with a stomach virus on Tuesday morning. By Wednesday night she was feeling better, but that is about the time that I got sick. Then a few hours later, Avie got sick. Of course, Adam was sick a few hours after that. Yuck. Needless to say, every square inch of my house has been drowned in a combination of Clorox Anywhere Spray and Lysol. The laundry and pillows have all been scalded in the washer. And we took a family shopping trip today to buy new toothbrushes for everyone (I scrubbed down the shopping cart with wipes before putting the girls in and gave everyone a squirt of hand sanitizer as we loaded back up into the car to go home.)

Wednesday night, while laying on the bathroom floor, praying for the horrible virus to go away, I started to think. First, I wondered what it was about my bathroom that always brought on such a desperate need for prayer. Next, I thought about how thankful I was that I had cleaned my bathroom earlier that day. Then I moved on to much deeper and meaningful things. Like, why do I always seem to be fighting the same battles, with life and with myself? Why do I find it so difficult to pick up my bible on a daily basis? Why is it sometimes so hard to have real conversation with God? Why do I allow myself to become so disconnected to God? Will I always be the same person I am now? Will I always struggle with the same things?

I feel like I am always back and forth. I am either hot or cold. Why is it so hard for me to find a happy medium? My thoughts and feelings are always so out of order. One minute I feel at peace and centered and the next, I feel completely lost. It just makes no sense.

My random thoughts finally rested on one thing...my girls. What kind of example am I for them? What kind of impact am I making on them?

One of the hardest things for me as a mother is watching my girls suffer. Seeing them so sick this week was physically painful for me. To look at them, looking at me, knowing they were expecting me to make them better and knowing I couldn't....physically painful to me. All I could do was hold them and pray. I prayed for them to be comfortable. For them to get rest. For it to be over soon. I prayed that when they got better, they would not remember being sick and how bad they felt. I just felt so helpless. If seeing them with a stomach virus is that difficult, what will I do when life starts to happen?

I've now started to realize that "life" is happening to them now. No matter how hard I fight it, they are slowly being introduced to the world. They are already becoming who they are going to be. What type of impact those "life" things have on them is being determined now by the values we are teaching them. By the things we are showing them are important. Even more, their future is being determined by what they see me and Adam do and how we live. How they see us act and react. How they see us walk and talk and interact with each other and with them and with others. What they are GOING TO BE is directly related to what they see us BEING.

One of the hardest things as a mother is seeing my baby suffer. But one of the most rewarding things for me as a mother, is seeing my little girls live out the values that I struggle to teach them. I know they are young, but when I see them playing together and mimicking the things that I do...wow. How humbling is it that I have been blessed with these beautifully innocent children? I have been given the responsibility of bringing them up! How terrifying is it that I may not be doing it right? I don't want my girls to make the mistakes that I have made. I was talking with a friend tonight who told me that my past was what had made me who I am. I know that this is true. I have learned many valuable lessons from my past. Lessons too hard learned to forget. I know that the path I chose eventually led me to the path God intended for me. I just want my girls to stay closer to God's path from the beginning!

When planning Avie's baby dedication, I came across a song that encompasses everything I feel about being a mother. The lyrics say, "I wanna be just like You, 'cause she wants to be like me." It is a parent's prayer to be a holy example for their child's innocent eyes to see. That is my prayer. I want to be a Godly example for my girls. My daily struggles shift depending on the weather or my mood. But my one constant struggle is to be the woman that God wants me to be. I want my life to be pleasing to God. Oh, what a struggle it is. But it comes from a pure heart. My prayer is that my heart's desire will become my life's pattern.

Lord, I want to be just like You. Help me to live by your Word. Help me to set a holy example for my girls. Amen.